Sasha Martin Stanford (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beautifulday) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2017-11-16 09:02 pm
beautifulday) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2017-11-16 09:02 pm
"You'll never walk alone."
Who: Sasha Stanford and Justin Campbell
What: A big, BIG day
Where: Hamilton Island, Australia
When: After this
Justin and Sasha took the cocktail hour/photograph time of the wedding to go back to their room for a breather. They hung around for the photos they were needed in, which mostly consisted of sitting near the lit part of the beach building a sandcastle with Sunshine. They still had the whole reception party and meal ahead of them, so Justin’s (now official) mom and dad understood that Justin had to take a little break to catch his breath after the emotional wedding ceremony. All they did was have a soda and lie down on the bed together for a rest. Justin dozed off and napped for about half an hour and Sasha watched him sleep, noticing a contentment had settled over his boyfriend after weeks of being an emotional wreck. It actually happened, the marriage hadn’t stopped, no one pulled out. Now he really could finally breathe and filter away all those negative thoughts his brain so easily fed him. It was a relief for Sasha to be able to lie there, softly stroking Justin's hair while he slept and seeing him without anxiety for the first time in a long time.
It was just a pit stop, though. About an hour later, they freshened up, put their waistcoats, ties and shoes back on, tidied their hair and wandered down to where the reception was going to be held on the beach. It was gorgeous. It was a perfect night with the weather, warm and balmy. The tables were lit with lanterns and candles, with a marquee draped in fairy lights with a massive dancefloor because these were Justin Campbell’s parents, and there was no way in hell the music and dancing wouldn’t be bloody awesome. The actual party was set to hit after the meal and formalities of speeches, first dance and cake-cutting. Sasha knew Justin was nervous about giving his speech, even if he was experienced in public speaking. This was personal and meant the world to him as his dad’s Best Man. His Uncle Sam was going to make a speech first so Justin had a bit of a buffer. Justin was pegged to make his speech last. The atmosphere was so relaxed and happy, though, that Justin wasn’t stressed about the task. He knew everyone there… all 400-ish of them. The wedding party were sat at the head table with a perfect view of all the guests chilling and having a good time. Sasha was in between Justin, who was by his dad, and Sam, so it meant he could hold Justin’s hand for moral support as the time for his speech veered closer and closer together.
Justin leaned into him, nodding at Sasha’s plate. “You okay, baby? You haven’t eaten much.”
“Oh, yeah. Just excited. Saving room for cake.” Sasha gave Justin’s hand a squeeze of reassurance. Justin hadn’t eaten much either but there was so much going on, it was easy to get distracted. They didn’t have a chance to converse any further because Tristan, who was their MC for the night, invited Justin to stand for the Best Man speech. Justin immediately looked like a deer caught in headlights, but only briefly. Sasha drew his hand up and kissed it, wishing him luck, shooting him a big grin. Justin could just stand there and say nothing and Sasha would still think he was incredible. That was no secret. It would probably be even less of a secret by the end of the night.
Justin was tired, but it was a good tired. For him, having his emotions go into overdrive meant his brain had to work triple as much to process everything. His psychiatrist had told him a long time ago that the energy it takes for his mind to process and filter an extra onslaught of emotions was roughly the equivalent of running a marathon. With the bipolar and C-PTSD, his mind didn’t work the same way as a general healthy brain. It was all good. It was incredible, in fact, but it was still a shake-up of emotions. Coupled with jet lag, he was weary. And nervous. Definitely nervous about the speech. He did a lot of talking to audiences with his charity work, but this was for his parents. It was with everyone he loved, and he didn’t want to fuck it up. So when Tristan called him, Justin was glad he hadn’t eaten a whole lot yet because his stomach was flip-flopping with anxiety. Initially, when his dad first told him he and his mum really were going to be getting married again and he wanted Justin to be his Best Man, Justin thought he would make notes or write it fully. He hadn’t been able to. He sat staring at a blank page for so long, scribbled out many attempts to start. Finally, he just decided to let his brain and heart figure it out on the day. Even more so now he had heard the vows they said to each other. He knew deep down inside where he had the ability to rationalise, they meant every word. Words he had been longing to hear for such a long time, he had convinced himself it would never happen.
At one point, in the preceding weeks when he was sick, his dad even told him he didn’t need to give a speech. He probably would have still wanted to try if he was bedridden, though. It wasn’t about speaking in front of everyone, it was about desperately wanting to get it right and he put a lot of pressure on himself. He wouldn’t be able to truly relax and get into the party spirit until he knew he at least did the best damn job at a Best Man speech he could. He stepped around to the front of the head table so he could see people better, but it wasn’t possible to see everyone. There were too many guests, but that wasn’t surprising. Awesome, but everyone would be mingling like crazy later on when the party really started.
Taking a deep breath, he wet his lips and started to delve into his heart for the right words, putting the microphone to his lips. “I don’t think it’s any secret that I didn’t think today would happen. I don’t easily see anything good beyond a few days ahead. But we’re not here tonight to psychoanalyse just how much my parents have had all the reasons in the world to give up on me. I think my uncles lost a bet months ago that Dad having to watch Footloose more than two and a half times would have him demanding a recount on the DNA results. The point is, it has happened. We’re really here, and sitting in this amazing place, with all you guys here to celebrate means my mom and dad really did bite the bullet and get the job done right this time. The reason I didn’t think it would happen was because I couldn’t believe that one day, I really might have everything I’d dreamt about my whole life. Two of the best parents in the business who, regardless of how tough crap got, they figured out how to get through it. I think that’s the best thing about our family. Sometimes that crap lasts for a hell of a long time and it feels like it’ll never stop, but we get through it together somehow.”
“Today, I’m here to talk about my dad. Now, I could stand up here and talk about all the things he’s done for me, and all the ways that makes him the best dad in the world. But not only would we have to be here all night and all the other dads would get offended, but the why is more important than the what. Truth is, I’m not really my Dad’s Best Man. He’s mine. He’s my hero and he has literally saved my life time and again. As recent as this past week. I wish every single time I scare the shit out of him like that, that I could promise him it won’t happen again. That I won’t hurt him again. But I can’t. I’m just not wired that way and I never will be. But despite that, my dad still didn’t turn me away at the door that night. Then every single crappy thing he discovered about me beyond that, he didn’t give up over and over. In fact, every time, he just fought harder for me. He sacrificed himself for me. He believed in me. And bloody hell, did we laugh through the times when it wasn’t painful. It didn’t take me long to discover that my dad really was one of the best people to ever be put on this planet. He was everything I hoped he would be, but so much more. And that was why I got so upset when his and Mom’s relationship started to screw up. We all know that things got rocky, there’s no use beating around the bush. We should celebrate what they’ve been through to get here today, because it’s so important. It’s important to them, and important to my sisters and me.” At that, Jamie gave him a big grin from where she was sitting on Andrew’s lap across the room and blew him a kiss. Justin grinned back, giving her a little wave and blowing her a kiss too.
He paced a little then before he continued, needing a moment or two to keep his thoughts on track. You didn’t just wake up fully recovered from a manic episode. He knew he was feeling better, but his mind was a bit scattered and distracted. He had a whole lot of past and a whole lot of present to filter so he said what he wanted. He didn’t want screw anything up. “I didn’t understand how Mum couldn’t see everything in Dad that I did. I couldn’t understand how it all went wrong. I couldn’t understand how they forgot how to laugh together when they used to laugh all the time. It’s some of the best memories I have when I first arrived and I was so sick. No matter what, they taught me how laughing and humour could really be medicine, even if there wasn’t a resolution to the crappy things happening around us. Without understand that, I blamed myself. I thought, well, shit, it can’t be Dad. It can’t be, so it had to have been me. Me and my incredible amount of crappy baggage I came with. It was only a matter of time before Mum couldn’t handle it, didn’t want to handle it, didn’t feel she had to because she wasn’t responsible for my existence in this world…”
He shook his head slowly, running the tip of his tongue along his lips when he walked closer to where his mum and dad were sitting. “You know what? We wouldn’t be here today if that was that case. It takes a hell of a lot more balls to screw up, come back, and mend it than it does to run away and stay away. I also know that if you can remember how to laugh together, you’ve got it made. Because sometimes, that’s all you can do. Even if you’re just laughing because it’s one step better than crying. And I’ll tell you, my dad is an expert in fart jokes. I’m pretty sure Ali was glad when it came to light that Dad had illegitimate son because he could stop practicing his array of fart jokes and dad jokes on Sunshine. But no one knows more how to be a princess and play the Pull My Finger game better than she does,” he laughed. But then he turned back to his dad with a smile. “Dad, I don’t think you or Mum make each other better people being together. Because you’re already incredible in your own right. You just make life more awesome. I learned from both of you that it takes going through shit to be a strong person, and that it’s okay to not be okay all the time. I learned from you that even from rock bottom, I can get back up from because my family love me no matter what and my parents won’t give up on me. But more than that, you’ve shown me that love can take many forms. It’s not always hearts and roses, it’s not always cute Facebook statuses and living in each other’s pockets where you lose your identities. Can’t get two people who more different than my folks, but look at them. Look at how awesome they look together. You taught me, a kid who hadn’t believed he could be loved in a very long time to remember how to be, to remember how to love, to not give up on the power of holding each other up through crap. And I know you guys don’t even realise it, but it’s all that helped me believe it to the point that I found my own perfect match, who is different to me in many ways, and I know that even if crap gets hard and feels impossible to survive, you can still get through it.”
He started to tear-up then and this time it was Sasha he blew a kiss to. “Beyond everything, all that matters is that you never forget what love really means. Love is taking care of each other and remembering that you’re two people, both who need it. Sometimes, taking care of each other is simply admitting you’ve messed up and lost your way. Sometimes, all love is is that person you want to wake up to each morning, and go to sleep with each night, is holding a torch ahead for you so you can find your way back. My mum and dad have done that for each other numerous times, and now I know how to do that with my own love. One that I know will be as tough as balls for a long time to come, just like my mum and dad.” He had gotten to a point where he almost forgot how many other people were there today. It helped him focus, but the speech meant the world to him. He was emotional and teary at the end of it, and he got cheers and a standing ovation when he was done. Not unlike other speeches he had given, but this one was the most important of them all. Both his parents got up and came around to give him a massive hug, teary right along with him.
Sasha sat and watched, proud and emotional himself. Emotional beyond words, and when Tristan announce the end of the speeches and it was time for the first dance and cake-cutting, Sasha almost forgot he had a little something planned himself. He had taken the mic from where Justin placed it on the table and jumped out of his seat. “Actually, I have a few words I’d like to say myself. I-If that’s okay…” Shit, he was packing death. So many people, his history of anxiety and stage fright wasn’t mixing well. He had to chant a mantra to himself not to vomit because this moment was too important. He had many reasons to almost vomit right now and he couldn’t fold to any of them. Everyone looked surprised, of course. This wasn’t part of the plan. Only, it kind of was. Sasha glanced at Mark, biting on his lip, and Mark gave a little wave at Tristan, indicating it was fine to pause for a moment. No big deal, she’ll be right. Typical Aussie laidback mindset, one Sasha loved seeing come out in Justin when he was well.
Mark led Gen back to the table and it left Justin standing there, looking confused as hell, giving Sasha a WTF look, albeit through a smile. He was probably expecting anyone in Mark or Gen’s family to want get up and give an impromptu speech, but not Sasha. It was a miracle Sasha didn’t drop the microphone with how much his hands were shaking. “There’s something I’d like to say to Justin.” He paused and then held his finger up, when Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up started to play over the sound system. He started to sing along with it, matching it with some of Rick’s classic Rick-Roll dance moves.
Everyone started laughing and Justin slapped a hand over his face, laughing right along with them. “Oh my god, did you seriously just Rick-Roll me at my parents’ wedding?” he cried and he went to reach for Sasha to pull him into a kiss.
But Sasha grabbed his hand and the music cut off mid-chorus. He chewed his lip, holding Justin’s hand tightly when he put the microphone back to his lips and held his gaze unwaveringly. Across the dancefloor, Shannon was now sitting at the piano with Cooper beside him with his guitar and started to play You'll Never Walk Alone. And Sasha began to sing it to Justin, his voice a little shaky because as soon as he started, he felt an emotional lump trying to force itself into his throat. First, it was Gen and Mark who stood up and started to sing along with Sasha, but it didn’t take long for Amarlie to join them. Then all of Mark’s brothers, Paris and Mikey, Ali and Andrew, all of Justin’s grandparents, and his group of friends. Once the other guests began to realise what was happening, it wasn’t long before they all stood up with tears in their eyes and began to sing along too. The lights had been dipped down low, the spotlight now only on Justin and Sasha. In any other situation, Sasha would be wanting to bolt in fright, but there was no one else he was really seeing but Justin, his hand still clasped protectively around his.
At first, Justin looked confused with the remnants of amusement from the Rick-Roll. But his face began to crumble with emotion when Sasha began to sing this to him. Sasha’s singing voice was one of the best sounds in the world to Justin. He had loved it from the first moment he heard him sing those first words, drowned in anxiety and stage fright. But Sasha had sung to him before and this was different. This was here, at his parents’ wedding, and everyone else was beginning to join in. Why? What was happening? He had no idea. The lyrics of the song weren’t at all lost on him, though. He tried not to cry, but it was an impossible feat. Only when he realised other people were standing and singing that he started to look around, taking everyone in and it only made him cry more. He was wiping the tears away and a laugh escaped through the tears for one reason only… he was happy. How the hell did he get so lucky to have all these amazing people in his life?
Sasha hadn’t expected anyone else to stand and join him in the singing. He, too, was looking around quickly, tearfully smiling as he watched the wave-effect of everyone joining in. He wanted to show Justin he wasn’t alone and never would be, but this was more than he could have hoped. It was a miracle he could keep singing when he wanted to bawl his eyes out seeing Justin’s response. That was fueling him to keep going too. Nerves and anxiety be damned. Screw that. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, no matter what happened next, he would never forget this moment. He closed his eyes briefly and listened to the loud and passionate collective melody of everyone singing along. When he opened he eyes, he could see people had their arms around each other and were swaying together. Seriously, this was one of the best moments of his life. Could it get better?
When the song ended and before anyone could cheer or applaud, Sasha stepped up to Justin, still holding onto his hand and with a burst of courage, dropped down to one knee in front of him. It was enough for a wave of gasps and everyone to fall quiet. Justin’s gasp was more like a squeak. He still had tears falling, but his eyes had widened and he had pressed his free hand to his mouth as he gaped down at Sasha.
“I’m going to get this out quick before you go and do something like faint on me. Justin Mark Campbell, I know we’re young. I know. We all know. Some will probably think we’re too young, but screw them. They haven’t survived what we have survived and they haven’t lived the life that you have to have brought you to a place where you’re probably smarter and more wise than all of us collectively in this room together. You think that’s a bad thing, but it’s not. I think that sometimes in life, some people meet and just know they’re going to be together for as long as they can picture and hope. You can’t do either. I know and I understand it. I know you can’t envisage or hope for more than a few weeks in advance, at the most. I know because of that, you would probably spend your whole life believing you’ll never make it very far. But tonight, I’m here to tell you that however long you make it, I want to be with you. I know I have what it takes to love you and to care for you how you need. I know that a lot of days, I feel like that’s not enough because all I want to do is hold you and promise you that it’ll be okay. I’ll never do that either. Because I know your mind can’t work like that. Yet, I’ll still keep reminding you as long as you need to hear it that you’re not alone. I’m not asking this of you to run out tomorrow and get it done. Or even in a month, a year, two years, five, ten. No, that’s not what this is about. This is about wanting to promise to you, in front of everyone who love you, that as long as you let me be with you, you’ll never walk alone. I’m going to be there beside you through all your incredible moments, sure. But also all your dark moments. The moments you can’t love yourself, can’t love anything, can’t breathe, can’t keep going. And I’m going to hold your hand and tell you again that I love you and that I’m there…” He realised he was squeezing Justin’s hand so tight, it was probably painful so he released the grip a little.
He put the microphone down on the floor beside him and reached into his pocket to pull out a ring box that was Bedazzled with rainbow gems all over. He opened it, and inside was a custom-designed platinum and white gold ring with sheet music engraved around the circumference with a 4 carat diamond in a bezel-set. “You’ve become my world and I can’t imagine a day going by that you’re not there. I ache inside when I think about losing you and I know that if you let me be your lifeline, I will do it again and again and again. You light up a world in your darkness, but you do more than that for me. You showed me what this love you talk of is and I never want to lose you. Justin Campbell, will you - one day when we’re a bit older - marry me? You don’t have to say yes and I’ll understand if you can’t, but I need you to know how I feel and if you wanna do this thing together, I’m here. Don’t worry, I asked your dad’s permission,” he added quickly, causing a laugh through the guests without meaning to. There was a lot bearing on this moment and he knew it could go either way.
Nearby, the thing that broke Justin’s utter shock was Clint going, “Look at the rock! Damn, kid you got fu-- uh, friggin taste. Son-in-Law material right there, Sparky. Kid’s a keeper.” It tripped Justin out of the emotional freeze he was in and the reality of what Sasha was doing hit him. It hit him hard and fast. He knew he was going to struggle to get words out because his brain was desperately scrambling to try to catch up with all the information hitting him hard and fast. All he could do at first was burst into tears. About ten times more emphatic than a few moments ago when everyone was singing. He put his hands on Sasha’s cheeks and crouched down before him, dragging him into a sloppy hug, fingers clawing at him to try to hold him as tight as he could humanly manage. “Yes! Yes, I-I’ll… yes!” he sobbed, nodding in against Sasha’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around him.
There were enough people there at the wedding for the cheering to sound something like that at a football match. Sasha couldn’t believe Justin actually said yes and after cuddling him tight, pulled back a little to make sure he got it right. “Shit, are you sure? You don’t have to! I just… just… oh my god!” he laughed, starting to cry himself. Justin was nodding, but it was obvious he was too emotional to speak. Sasha just took his left hand and slipped the ring onto his finger. It was a perfect fit and he held it up for Justin to try to see. “It’s our song,” he told him, grinning. Weeks prior, when he had one of those unusual dreams of his where he dreamed he and Justin were getting married, Sasha had gone to Mark and sat down with him, having a long talk. Not just about this, but about many things. The future, Justin’s care going forward, what the years to come might look like, how committed Sasha was to caring for Justin. He didn’t care if he was young, he spent his whole life caring people he loved. That would never change. Mark never baulked at the age because he knew it was about more than the number of years Justin and Sasha had been on earth. He worried about Justin’s inability to think into the future and that this might trigger a panic he couldn’t cope with. But somehow, deep down in his gut, Sasha knew it would give Justin some form of hope. No one but Justin would know what it was, or how it felt. Justin would be the only one who could define it for himself, but it wasn’t about getting married for Sasha. It was about promising Justin that he was there, he wasn’t going anywhere. Justin wasn’t alone.
So, with all that, Mark gave Sasha his blessing and even took him to the jeweller so Sasha could get the ring designed. He had seen it in his dream. It was simple, but befitting of the glam Justin had within him. The engraving was so intricate and precise, Sasha hadn’t been sure the jeweller could pull it off… until he heard it could be done by a laser. It was notes from the chorus of When You Say Nothing At All, the song playing when they said ‘I love you’ to each other for the first time in London. The words had forever put their relationship and how it worked into words. It worked in a way no one needed to understand or define. It just did. He cupped his hands around Justin’s and kissed his fingers, smiling at him through the tears. “I love you. You and me, baby. No matter what…”
LOG, COMPLETE
What: A big, BIG day
Where: Hamilton Island, Australia
When: After this
Justin and Sasha took the cocktail hour/photograph time of the wedding to go back to their room for a breather. They hung around for the photos they were needed in, which mostly consisted of sitting near the lit part of the beach building a sandcastle with Sunshine. They still had the whole reception party and meal ahead of them, so Justin’s (now official) mom and dad understood that Justin had to take a little break to catch his breath after the emotional wedding ceremony. All they did was have a soda and lie down on the bed together for a rest. Justin dozed off and napped for about half an hour and Sasha watched him sleep, noticing a contentment had settled over his boyfriend after weeks of being an emotional wreck. It actually happened, the marriage hadn’t stopped, no one pulled out. Now he really could finally breathe and filter away all those negative thoughts his brain so easily fed him. It was a relief for Sasha to be able to lie there, softly stroking Justin's hair while he slept and seeing him without anxiety for the first time in a long time.
It was just a pit stop, though. About an hour later, they freshened up, put their waistcoats, ties and shoes back on, tidied their hair and wandered down to where the reception was going to be held on the beach. It was gorgeous. It was a perfect night with the weather, warm and balmy. The tables were lit with lanterns and candles, with a marquee draped in fairy lights with a massive dancefloor because these were Justin Campbell’s parents, and there was no way in hell the music and dancing wouldn’t be bloody awesome. The actual party was set to hit after the meal and formalities of speeches, first dance and cake-cutting. Sasha knew Justin was nervous about giving his speech, even if he was experienced in public speaking. This was personal and meant the world to him as his dad’s Best Man. His Uncle Sam was going to make a speech first so Justin had a bit of a buffer. Justin was pegged to make his speech last. The atmosphere was so relaxed and happy, though, that Justin wasn’t stressed about the task. He knew everyone there… all 400-ish of them. The wedding party were sat at the head table with a perfect view of all the guests chilling and having a good time. Sasha was in between Justin, who was by his dad, and Sam, so it meant he could hold Justin’s hand for moral support as the time for his speech veered closer and closer together.
Justin leaned into him, nodding at Sasha’s plate. “You okay, baby? You haven’t eaten much.”
“Oh, yeah. Just excited. Saving room for cake.” Sasha gave Justin’s hand a squeeze of reassurance. Justin hadn’t eaten much either but there was so much going on, it was easy to get distracted. They didn’t have a chance to converse any further because Tristan, who was their MC for the night, invited Justin to stand for the Best Man speech. Justin immediately looked like a deer caught in headlights, but only briefly. Sasha drew his hand up and kissed it, wishing him luck, shooting him a big grin. Justin could just stand there and say nothing and Sasha would still think he was incredible. That was no secret. It would probably be even less of a secret by the end of the night.
Justin was tired, but it was a good tired. For him, having his emotions go into overdrive meant his brain had to work triple as much to process everything. His psychiatrist had told him a long time ago that the energy it takes for his mind to process and filter an extra onslaught of emotions was roughly the equivalent of running a marathon. With the bipolar and C-PTSD, his mind didn’t work the same way as a general healthy brain. It was all good. It was incredible, in fact, but it was still a shake-up of emotions. Coupled with jet lag, he was weary. And nervous. Definitely nervous about the speech. He did a lot of talking to audiences with his charity work, but this was for his parents. It was with everyone he loved, and he didn’t want to fuck it up. So when Tristan called him, Justin was glad he hadn’t eaten a whole lot yet because his stomach was flip-flopping with anxiety. Initially, when his dad first told him he and his mum really were going to be getting married again and he wanted Justin to be his Best Man, Justin thought he would make notes or write it fully. He hadn’t been able to. He sat staring at a blank page for so long, scribbled out many attempts to start. Finally, he just decided to let his brain and heart figure it out on the day. Even more so now he had heard the vows they said to each other. He knew deep down inside where he had the ability to rationalise, they meant every word. Words he had been longing to hear for such a long time, he had convinced himself it would never happen.
At one point, in the preceding weeks when he was sick, his dad even told him he didn’t need to give a speech. He probably would have still wanted to try if he was bedridden, though. It wasn’t about speaking in front of everyone, it was about desperately wanting to get it right and he put a lot of pressure on himself. He wouldn’t be able to truly relax and get into the party spirit until he knew he at least did the best damn job at a Best Man speech he could. He stepped around to the front of the head table so he could see people better, but it wasn’t possible to see everyone. There were too many guests, but that wasn’t surprising. Awesome, but everyone would be mingling like crazy later on when the party really started.
Taking a deep breath, he wet his lips and started to delve into his heart for the right words, putting the microphone to his lips. “I don’t think it’s any secret that I didn’t think today would happen. I don’t easily see anything good beyond a few days ahead. But we’re not here tonight to psychoanalyse just how much my parents have had all the reasons in the world to give up on me. I think my uncles lost a bet months ago that Dad having to watch Footloose more than two and a half times would have him demanding a recount on the DNA results. The point is, it has happened. We’re really here, and sitting in this amazing place, with all you guys here to celebrate means my mom and dad really did bite the bullet and get the job done right this time. The reason I didn’t think it would happen was because I couldn’t believe that one day, I really might have everything I’d dreamt about my whole life. Two of the best parents in the business who, regardless of how tough crap got, they figured out how to get through it. I think that’s the best thing about our family. Sometimes that crap lasts for a hell of a long time and it feels like it’ll never stop, but we get through it together somehow.”
“Today, I’m here to talk about my dad. Now, I could stand up here and talk about all the things he’s done for me, and all the ways that makes him the best dad in the world. But not only would we have to be here all night and all the other dads would get offended, but the why is more important than the what. Truth is, I’m not really my Dad’s Best Man. He’s mine. He’s my hero and he has literally saved my life time and again. As recent as this past week. I wish every single time I scare the shit out of him like that, that I could promise him it won’t happen again. That I won’t hurt him again. But I can’t. I’m just not wired that way and I never will be. But despite that, my dad still didn’t turn me away at the door that night. Then every single crappy thing he discovered about me beyond that, he didn’t give up over and over. In fact, every time, he just fought harder for me. He sacrificed himself for me. He believed in me. And bloody hell, did we laugh through the times when it wasn’t painful. It didn’t take me long to discover that my dad really was one of the best people to ever be put on this planet. He was everything I hoped he would be, but so much more. And that was why I got so upset when his and Mom’s relationship started to screw up. We all know that things got rocky, there’s no use beating around the bush. We should celebrate what they’ve been through to get here today, because it’s so important. It’s important to them, and important to my sisters and me.” At that, Jamie gave him a big grin from where she was sitting on Andrew’s lap across the room and blew him a kiss. Justin grinned back, giving her a little wave and blowing her a kiss too.
He paced a little then before he continued, needing a moment or two to keep his thoughts on track. You didn’t just wake up fully recovered from a manic episode. He knew he was feeling better, but his mind was a bit scattered and distracted. He had a whole lot of past and a whole lot of present to filter so he said what he wanted. He didn’t want screw anything up. “I didn’t understand how Mum couldn’t see everything in Dad that I did. I couldn’t understand how it all went wrong. I couldn’t understand how they forgot how to laugh together when they used to laugh all the time. It’s some of the best memories I have when I first arrived and I was so sick. No matter what, they taught me how laughing and humour could really be medicine, even if there wasn’t a resolution to the crappy things happening around us. Without understand that, I blamed myself. I thought, well, shit, it can’t be Dad. It can’t be, so it had to have been me. Me and my incredible amount of crappy baggage I came with. It was only a matter of time before Mum couldn’t handle it, didn’t want to handle it, didn’t feel she had to because she wasn’t responsible for my existence in this world…”
He shook his head slowly, running the tip of his tongue along his lips when he walked closer to where his mum and dad were sitting. “You know what? We wouldn’t be here today if that was that case. It takes a hell of a lot more balls to screw up, come back, and mend it than it does to run away and stay away. I also know that if you can remember how to laugh together, you’ve got it made. Because sometimes, that’s all you can do. Even if you’re just laughing because it’s one step better than crying. And I’ll tell you, my dad is an expert in fart jokes. I’m pretty sure Ali was glad when it came to light that Dad had illegitimate son because he could stop practicing his array of fart jokes and dad jokes on Sunshine. But no one knows more how to be a princess and play the Pull My Finger game better than she does,” he laughed. But then he turned back to his dad with a smile. “Dad, I don’t think you or Mum make each other better people being together. Because you’re already incredible in your own right. You just make life more awesome. I learned from both of you that it takes going through shit to be a strong person, and that it’s okay to not be okay all the time. I learned from you that even from rock bottom, I can get back up from because my family love me no matter what and my parents won’t give up on me. But more than that, you’ve shown me that love can take many forms. It’s not always hearts and roses, it’s not always cute Facebook statuses and living in each other’s pockets where you lose your identities. Can’t get two people who more different than my folks, but look at them. Look at how awesome they look together. You taught me, a kid who hadn’t believed he could be loved in a very long time to remember how to be, to remember how to love, to not give up on the power of holding each other up through crap. And I know you guys don’t even realise it, but it’s all that helped me believe it to the point that I found my own perfect match, who is different to me in many ways, and I know that even if crap gets hard and feels impossible to survive, you can still get through it.”
He started to tear-up then and this time it was Sasha he blew a kiss to. “Beyond everything, all that matters is that you never forget what love really means. Love is taking care of each other and remembering that you’re two people, both who need it. Sometimes, taking care of each other is simply admitting you’ve messed up and lost your way. Sometimes, all love is is that person you want to wake up to each morning, and go to sleep with each night, is holding a torch ahead for you so you can find your way back. My mum and dad have done that for each other numerous times, and now I know how to do that with my own love. One that I know will be as tough as balls for a long time to come, just like my mum and dad.” He had gotten to a point where he almost forgot how many other people were there today. It helped him focus, but the speech meant the world to him. He was emotional and teary at the end of it, and he got cheers and a standing ovation when he was done. Not unlike other speeches he had given, but this one was the most important of them all. Both his parents got up and came around to give him a massive hug, teary right along with him.
Sasha sat and watched, proud and emotional himself. Emotional beyond words, and when Tristan announce the end of the speeches and it was time for the first dance and cake-cutting, Sasha almost forgot he had a little something planned himself. He had taken the mic from where Justin placed it on the table and jumped out of his seat. “Actually, I have a few words I’d like to say myself. I-If that’s okay…” Shit, he was packing death. So many people, his history of anxiety and stage fright wasn’t mixing well. He had to chant a mantra to himself not to vomit because this moment was too important. He had many reasons to almost vomit right now and he couldn’t fold to any of them. Everyone looked surprised, of course. This wasn’t part of the plan. Only, it kind of was. Sasha glanced at Mark, biting on his lip, and Mark gave a little wave at Tristan, indicating it was fine to pause for a moment. No big deal, she’ll be right. Typical Aussie laidback mindset, one Sasha loved seeing come out in Justin when he was well.
Mark led Gen back to the table and it left Justin standing there, looking confused as hell, giving Sasha a WTF look, albeit through a smile. He was probably expecting anyone in Mark or Gen’s family to want get up and give an impromptu speech, but not Sasha. It was a miracle Sasha didn’t drop the microphone with how much his hands were shaking. “There’s something I’d like to say to Justin.” He paused and then held his finger up, when Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up started to play over the sound system. He started to sing along with it, matching it with some of Rick’s classic Rick-Roll dance moves.
Everyone started laughing and Justin slapped a hand over his face, laughing right along with them. “Oh my god, did you seriously just Rick-Roll me at my parents’ wedding?” he cried and he went to reach for Sasha to pull him into a kiss.
But Sasha grabbed his hand and the music cut off mid-chorus. He chewed his lip, holding Justin’s hand tightly when he put the microphone back to his lips and held his gaze unwaveringly. Across the dancefloor, Shannon was now sitting at the piano with Cooper beside him with his guitar and started to play You'll Never Walk Alone. And Sasha began to sing it to Justin, his voice a little shaky because as soon as he started, he felt an emotional lump trying to force itself into his throat. First, it was Gen and Mark who stood up and started to sing along with Sasha, but it didn’t take long for Amarlie to join them. Then all of Mark’s brothers, Paris and Mikey, Ali and Andrew, all of Justin’s grandparents, and his group of friends. Once the other guests began to realise what was happening, it wasn’t long before they all stood up with tears in their eyes and began to sing along too. The lights had been dipped down low, the spotlight now only on Justin and Sasha. In any other situation, Sasha would be wanting to bolt in fright, but there was no one else he was really seeing but Justin, his hand still clasped protectively around his.
At first, Justin looked confused with the remnants of amusement from the Rick-Roll. But his face began to crumble with emotion when Sasha began to sing this to him. Sasha’s singing voice was one of the best sounds in the world to Justin. He had loved it from the first moment he heard him sing those first words, drowned in anxiety and stage fright. But Sasha had sung to him before and this was different. This was here, at his parents’ wedding, and everyone else was beginning to join in. Why? What was happening? He had no idea. The lyrics of the song weren’t at all lost on him, though. He tried not to cry, but it was an impossible feat. Only when he realised other people were standing and singing that he started to look around, taking everyone in and it only made him cry more. He was wiping the tears away and a laugh escaped through the tears for one reason only… he was happy. How the hell did he get so lucky to have all these amazing people in his life?
Sasha hadn’t expected anyone else to stand and join him in the singing. He, too, was looking around quickly, tearfully smiling as he watched the wave-effect of everyone joining in. He wanted to show Justin he wasn’t alone and never would be, but this was more than he could have hoped. It was a miracle he could keep singing when he wanted to bawl his eyes out seeing Justin’s response. That was fueling him to keep going too. Nerves and anxiety be damned. Screw that. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, no matter what happened next, he would never forget this moment. He closed his eyes briefly and listened to the loud and passionate collective melody of everyone singing along. When he opened he eyes, he could see people had their arms around each other and were swaying together. Seriously, this was one of the best moments of his life. Could it get better?
When the song ended and before anyone could cheer or applaud, Sasha stepped up to Justin, still holding onto his hand and with a burst of courage, dropped down to one knee in front of him. It was enough for a wave of gasps and everyone to fall quiet. Justin’s gasp was more like a squeak. He still had tears falling, but his eyes had widened and he had pressed his free hand to his mouth as he gaped down at Sasha.
“I’m going to get this out quick before you go and do something like faint on me. Justin Mark Campbell, I know we’re young. I know. We all know. Some will probably think we’re too young, but screw them. They haven’t survived what we have survived and they haven’t lived the life that you have to have brought you to a place where you’re probably smarter and more wise than all of us collectively in this room together. You think that’s a bad thing, but it’s not. I think that sometimes in life, some people meet and just know they’re going to be together for as long as they can picture and hope. You can’t do either. I know and I understand it. I know you can’t envisage or hope for more than a few weeks in advance, at the most. I know because of that, you would probably spend your whole life believing you’ll never make it very far. But tonight, I’m here to tell you that however long you make it, I want to be with you. I know I have what it takes to love you and to care for you how you need. I know that a lot of days, I feel like that’s not enough because all I want to do is hold you and promise you that it’ll be okay. I’ll never do that either. Because I know your mind can’t work like that. Yet, I’ll still keep reminding you as long as you need to hear it that you’re not alone. I’m not asking this of you to run out tomorrow and get it done. Or even in a month, a year, two years, five, ten. No, that’s not what this is about. This is about wanting to promise to you, in front of everyone who love you, that as long as you let me be with you, you’ll never walk alone. I’m going to be there beside you through all your incredible moments, sure. But also all your dark moments. The moments you can’t love yourself, can’t love anything, can’t breathe, can’t keep going. And I’m going to hold your hand and tell you again that I love you and that I’m there…” He realised he was squeezing Justin’s hand so tight, it was probably painful so he released the grip a little.
He put the microphone down on the floor beside him and reached into his pocket to pull out a ring box that was Bedazzled with rainbow gems all over. He opened it, and inside was a custom-designed platinum and white gold ring with sheet music engraved around the circumference with a 4 carat diamond in a bezel-set. “You’ve become my world and I can’t imagine a day going by that you’re not there. I ache inside when I think about losing you and I know that if you let me be your lifeline, I will do it again and again and again. You light up a world in your darkness, but you do more than that for me. You showed me what this love you talk of is and I never want to lose you. Justin Campbell, will you - one day when we’re a bit older - marry me? You don’t have to say yes and I’ll understand if you can’t, but I need you to know how I feel and if you wanna do this thing together, I’m here. Don’t worry, I asked your dad’s permission,” he added quickly, causing a laugh through the guests without meaning to. There was a lot bearing on this moment and he knew it could go either way.
Nearby, the thing that broke Justin’s utter shock was Clint going, “Look at the rock! Damn, kid you got fu-- uh, friggin taste. Son-in-Law material right there, Sparky. Kid’s a keeper.” It tripped Justin out of the emotional freeze he was in and the reality of what Sasha was doing hit him. It hit him hard and fast. He knew he was going to struggle to get words out because his brain was desperately scrambling to try to catch up with all the information hitting him hard and fast. All he could do at first was burst into tears. About ten times more emphatic than a few moments ago when everyone was singing. He put his hands on Sasha’s cheeks and crouched down before him, dragging him into a sloppy hug, fingers clawing at him to try to hold him as tight as he could humanly manage. “Yes! Yes, I-I’ll… yes!” he sobbed, nodding in against Sasha’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around him.
There were enough people there at the wedding for the cheering to sound something like that at a football match. Sasha couldn’t believe Justin actually said yes and after cuddling him tight, pulled back a little to make sure he got it right. “Shit, are you sure? You don’t have to! I just… just… oh my god!” he laughed, starting to cry himself. Justin was nodding, but it was obvious he was too emotional to speak. Sasha just took his left hand and slipped the ring onto his finger. It was a perfect fit and he held it up for Justin to try to see. “It’s our song,” he told him, grinning. Weeks prior, when he had one of those unusual dreams of his where he dreamed he and Justin were getting married, Sasha had gone to Mark and sat down with him, having a long talk. Not just about this, but about many things. The future, Justin’s care going forward, what the years to come might look like, how committed Sasha was to caring for Justin. He didn’t care if he was young, he spent his whole life caring people he loved. That would never change. Mark never baulked at the age because he knew it was about more than the number of years Justin and Sasha had been on earth. He worried about Justin’s inability to think into the future and that this might trigger a panic he couldn’t cope with. But somehow, deep down in his gut, Sasha knew it would give Justin some form of hope. No one but Justin would know what it was, or how it felt. Justin would be the only one who could define it for himself, but it wasn’t about getting married for Sasha. It was about promising Justin that he was there, he wasn’t going anywhere. Justin wasn’t alone.
So, with all that, Mark gave Sasha his blessing and even took him to the jeweller so Sasha could get the ring designed. He had seen it in his dream. It was simple, but befitting of the glam Justin had within him. The engraving was so intricate and precise, Sasha hadn’t been sure the jeweller could pull it off… until he heard it could be done by a laser. It was notes from the chorus of When You Say Nothing At All, the song playing when they said ‘I love you’ to each other for the first time in London. The words had forever put their relationship and how it worked into words. It worked in a way no one needed to understand or define. It just did. He cupped his hands around Justin’s and kissed his fingers, smiling at him through the tears. “I love you. You and me, baby. No matter what…”
LOG, COMPLETE