Trent Ezekial Lamont (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
photographically) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2017-07-29 03:43 pm
photographically) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2017-07-29 03:43 pm
"Try a little tenderness."
Who: Trent Lamont and Arian Alcott
What: R&R
Where: Trent's place, NYC
When: After this
Even though Trent suggested takeout for Ari to come over, knowing how stressed Ari had been with Justin ended up in hospital after a serious collapse, he went to the grocery store and bought everything to make up spaghetti bolognaise, his mom’s recipe. There was that comfort that came with soul food, and Ari needed some TLC. He knew now that Ari took his works seriously, and he was passionate about what he did. He called what he did with Justin ‘intensive case work’ and Trent knew that meant he was right in deep, hands-on as much as it was needed, to work with Justin and his family to give him the best life he could have.
Something like this, however, would take its toll. Justin’s family in no way overworked Ari because Justin himself had timeouts on everything he did. Those timeouts were Ari’s time off, so he and Ari had been able to develop their relationship at a nice easy pace. He adored Ari, who was so cool and confident, that nothing seemed to ruffle his feathers. He took whatever came at him on board and just dealt with it. He didn’t complain about anything.
When Ari arrived, holding a couple of tubs of Ben & Jerrys, Trent could see how tired he was all over his face. As he would be, functioning on little sleep. He was still immaculately dressed and styled, but he was weary. “Hey, honey,” Trent greeted him with a smile and they shared a sweet kiss. “You’re going to come in and put your feet up, and I’m going to take care of you. I’ve got a surprise for you for later.” He took the ice cream to the freezer and turned the stove off where it had been right down low to keep dinner warm until Ari arrived.
“Smells great, sweetheart,” Ari told him, kicking his shoes off at the door and going over to put his bag on Trent’s bed. He liked Trent’s place. It was a sweet little studio, but it was decorated modern to maximise space. It didn’t feel as small as it was. Trent had some fresh laundry on the end of his bed and Ari picked up the hoodie on the top of the pile. “Can I borrow this?” he asked, holding it up.
“Of course you can,” Trent told him, and he couldn’t help it if he was an old fashioned romantic at heart, he liked the idea of Ari wearing his clothes. Ari was a lot more willowy and lithe than Trent was, so it would be loose. Maybe that’s exactly why he wanted it. He knew when Blaize had his last boyfriend, they would share each other’s clothes a lot. Until the relationship died in the ass when the guy was using Blaize’s status to do dumbfuck things and Blaize told him to go fuck himself sideways. “How’s things going? Any updates? Are you allowed to drink while you’re on call? I got wine, but I wasn’t sure either way.” He served the dinner up in some pasta bowls, carrying it over to set on the coffee table with a basket of garlic bread.
Ari not only helped himself to Trent’s hoodie after shucking out of his own clothes, but also a pair of his track pants too. He wanted to try to relax and chillout, exactly why Trent invited him over. Trent always smelled amazing, and he was warm and comfortable. Not just physically, but in his personality. Seemed like a nice way to chill. “I can have a couple, no big deal. Just so long as I don’t get trashed. If they page me, I need to be on the ball with what’s going on. Mark and Gen would never let Justin be discharged too soon, but they still need help, even if Justin’s in hospital. It’s been a big weight off Mark’s shoulders have Gen back in the mix. How was your day? Any models chuck bitchfits on you this time?” he asked, settling on the sofa.
Trent laughed and shook his head, handing Ari his dinner. He had a small Ikea table over in the kitchen area, but if there was going to be chilling, it had to be the sofa or the bed. He had plans for the bed later. “Not today. But I landed a huge contract, thanks to Blaize. FABULOUS wants to do a spread on Justin and his group of friends. Because they spread over the spectrum pretty significantly, and because Amarlie is an emerging young designer, Gen and Paris want to do a spread on them where Amarlie designs outfits for them and they model them for a photoshoot along with interviews about their lives. So, Guy offered me the contract. It should be a whole lot of fun. Fantastic concept too. Young kids these days are always looking for birds of a feather, people they can identify with. That’s how Blaize got so much status so quickly. Obviously not until Justin’s back on his feet, that is. Gives me time to work with Amarlie on concepts. So, tell me exactly what happened at the theatre when he got sick? We haven’t had the chance to talk.” He poured them each a small glass of wine sat by Ari with his bowl and snuggling into his side.
“Fuck, sweetheart, that’s incredible. You’ll have a ball with them, they’re all fantastic kids. It’ll probably take you all day to get through the guys goofing off and trying to fart on each other,” Ari said with a laugh. Working with Justin, he was frequently with his friends too and had gotten to know them all. Trent was right, they were a beautiful mixed spectrum of identities and personalities. Kids these days really did need people they could identify because they were swimming with sharks on an internet full of not just predators but prejudice and judgmental fucks ready to tear anyone down to rise themselves up. It was a nasty time to be alive, whether people wanted to admit it or not. It was why all these kids were so close and stuck together like glue. They loved and protected each other unconditionally. He had a bite of his dinner, nodding and pointing to his mouth with his fork before he swallowed. “This is amazing. Better than what my dad makes. The whole thing with Justin was so quick. He hadn’t been feeling well since they started him on the new meds, so I knew that. It did just seem like he was saddled with stomach issues. He had been off his food all week, just feeling generally yuck inside like when you’re in the early stages of a tummy bug. He wasn’t constantly sick, but he had a couple of bouts of vomiting and he was off his food. And that was the thing, he got right through the show. Nate consulting with him and because Justin wanted to keep going with work at least, Nate prescribed an injection of something to ease the nausea. That was where it all went to shit.”
Trent smirked, shaking his head. “Oh, yes. I remember being that young and mischievous one time. Even if I was shy as all hell. The boys outrank the girls, so they’re always going to have the upper hand on the goofing off. Blaize with Ash and Zen have been terrorising Amarle for years with boy shenanigans.” He patted Ari’s thigh softly, reminding him he was there if he wanted to talk about this. If he didn’t, that would be okay too. Right from the start, Justin himself had outright told Ari he didn’t care if he talked about any of his shit with Trent. He obviously didn’t want the stuff public and valued his privacy and confidentiality, but he had said that you need to be able to talk to your partner about all the hard shit, and he was a hell of a lot of hard shit. Poor kid, but it had meant Ari had confided in him along the way and chatted about his day at work where he needed to. Trent accompanied Ari to some of the functions he went to with Justin. It was just a nice dynamic and Trent enjoyed being part of it. “So, the medication Nate gave him caused the problem? He hasn’t had it before? Blaize was telling me that even though there were a couple of pictures and a video floating around of what happened, you can’t see anything. Justin stepped back from the front of the stage before it happened, or something? You can just hear people gasping and see the cast on stage swarm a little.”
Ari gave Trent a kiss and then picked up his wine to sip. “That’s what happened. It was so quick, and I highly doubt it was Justin’s reasoning to back away. Not being as sick as he was to have a seizure moments later. He more stumbled back than consciously moved back. But because it was during curtain call, the entire cast were up there doing their thing. No one was expecting him to collapse. It was terrifying, though. Dory completely lost her shit. You would have thought someone was murdering him. She bit someone who tried to hold her back, but that’s what they get for trying to touch a working dog doing her job. That’s exactly why only people she knows can pet her, she’ll take your arm off if you cockblock her doing her job, which is to sound the alarm if he’s in danger. It wasn’t the meds Nate prescribed per se. He’s definitely had it before. But that interacted with the new drug he was on. It can happen sometimes. He’s had severe drug reactions in the past. The more medication you take, the more risk there is of clinical interactions. But in an area like mental illness, there are always new drugs and therapies coming on the market. His condition isn’t what they can consider ‘stable’. It’s always worth trying to get it to stabilise more. It was just really fucking frightening to see him go down like that. Then he started to have a seizure, and when he came out of it, he was sick. Jesse was there seeing the show, thank fuck. He knew exactly what to do. Not that I didn’t, but back-up is always helpful, especially with a pile of bodies standing around trying to be helpful.”
“That’s terrifying. I don’t think I would have known what the hell to do but scream for help and hope for the best. Validation, though, why he definitely needs a carer with him when he’s working. I’ve seen how you are with him, though. You’re not trying to be a crutch to him, you let him do what he can and you’re just there with what he can’t. That’s got to be helpful to his self-worth and independence. You can just do your cool and collected stunning bitch routine in the wings and he gets to do as much as he can to give his life value. Jesse’s such a sweetheart. He was my nurse when I was sick and landed in hospital myself. Best bedside manner. It would have been a stage and audience full of terrified people wondering what the fuck was going on.” Trent put his bowl in his lap while he focused on Ari for a little while. He stroked his hair, curling his fingers through it. It was soft and he knew it smelled amazing. He had a guilty pleasure habit of nuzzling his nose into it when he was was topping. “Did you have any idea it was medication related when it happened? I mean, you’re qualified to do the job, but you’re still only human. I would have shat myself. Blaize told me they’ve all been chatting about it in a group chat. It sent shockwaves through them all. Merlin was right beside him when it happened.”
Ari turned his head and kissed Trent’s fingers with a smile. “He’s a sick kid with a disability. It’s easy for the world to look at him on the face of it and be blinded by the fact he looks normal. A lot of his fans can’t fathom how ill he is because they never see direct signs of it. But until something like this happens, or like Bondi happens, they’re just not going to. He doesn’t want his private struggles and challenges on constant exhibition. He doesn’t even understand it a lot of the time, so he knows people who don’t experience it won’t either. Plus, a lot of it is so personal, it’s embarrassing and he has to succumb to losing his dignity a lot of the time. That’s not fucking easy with people gawping at you. I’m glad none of their videos or photos turned out. The one at Bondi is horrific enough, but once something goes viral on the internet, it’s there forever. Something like this? I mean, fuck, he’s a kid who is ill. Respect his privacy, for fuck’s sake. It’s not rocket science. There seems to be no filter where people pause and got ‘Well, if this was me, I wouldn’t want people taking photos either’. Just because he’s a celebrity and got status, doesn’t eradicate the fact he’s human. There’s a entrenchment of morbid curiosity with social media. It gives people not only a superiority complex but an entitlement complex that just because they see or share something on social media, it makes them a part of it. It doesn’t.” He paused and sighed, giving Trent a tired wry smile. “Sorry, it’s been a long week.”
Trent cupped Ari’s cheek and leaned in, giving him a tender kiss. “Don’t be sorry. That’s why I’m here,” he murmured and softly brushed his nose against Ari’s. “I want you to know you can talk to me about this stuff any time you need to. You do a hard job, you need to be able to offload some of it sometimes. It doesn’t matter how postgraduate educated you are, you care about him and this is upsetting. He could have died. If we’re dating, I want you to be able to lean on me when you need it. I know how some of this stuff works. Our family went through challenges with Blaize being transgender, and then following his accident. His surgery wasn’t smooth, and the transition took a long time for him to adjust to. The mind and body aren’t always on the same page. But you know something? Not once as Blaize played the victim. Not once. And neither has Justin, because they don’t want this one piece of them to entirely define them. Blaize hates labels. That’s the problem with the online culture these days. Too many labels and too much of people forcing them onto others, shoving them down their throat and then stepping back and playing dumb when people getting shitted off with it. To have to be in the spotlight in that climate? It must suck when things aren’t going well. I really do think social media dehumanizes people. It tries to crush people’s identities into tiny little boxes, and that sucks ass. But for Justin, he’s got a whole army of people trying to assume they know him and know what he battles, and because they think they know, they think they have all the answers and their opinion is static to everyone. Nothing could be more wrong in this world. Why is the world such an angry place? Because for every one person who wants to collect labels like it’s their job and will reel them off to anyone who is listening to vye for attention, there are probably ten people who don’t want anyone telling them who or what they are. It’s a constant shitstorm of anger and conflict, with kids in the middle of that getting seriously hurt.”
Ari nodded, watching Trent quietly. He had paused in his eating to listen, and he could hear a lot of wisdom behind the words. Wisdom of experience. “You worry yourself sick about Blaize every day, don’t you? His state of mind, his life, his own challenges. You haven’t talked a lot about it. I can see you’re doing all you can to just let him spread his wings and fly however he wants to fly, but it’s still fearful. I don’t blame him for hating labels. I’m not a fan myself. You can be a lot of things, you can have a lot of things, but don’t tell someone else how to be, or what to do. I see it, it’s deplorable. Everyone wants free speech for themselves, but in trying to convince the world of that, they’re gagging others trying to achieve the same. This is why my Facebook list his small, and my collection of fucks to give even smaller. If you have to be a cunt trying to prove you’re holier than thou, you’re not a good person. You’re a self-focused cunt and you’ll never have room for anyone else because you’re too busy trying to be an identity Nazi to everyone else with your speshul snowflake syndrome with the side effect of deluding you into believing you’re in a better position to make those calls. Then blaming whatever label you pull out of your ass to justify why you get to say what you do. That’s not educating, that’s narcissism. You see it all over the internet. But like I heard Justin say when I first met him, ‘Until you shit out of my asshole, get the fuck off my back and out of my face’. How does Blaize deal with that stuff? Do you get scared people will hurt him?”
Ari got it, and Trent cherished the fact he could lament this stuff with someone who got it. It played on his mind a lot every day, because the speshul snowflake type of people could actually be dangerous and life threatening if they push one person too far and break them. No one’s life had more value than anyone else’s. “It’s terrifying sometimes, but Blaize… well, I don’t think he ‘deals’ with it. He will just actively not engage dickheads like that. Which probably shits them off because they don’t have any control then, and that’s what they want. They want control, they want to have their butts patted, be told they’re right and they know better. They don’t. Everyone is fighting battles, and those battles shape who you are, not identity Nazis sitting on Facebook looking for ways to pump their own egos up. None of that is comfortable for me either. It takes more strength not to engage than it does to lower to petty shit-flinging and I’m proud of Blaize for that. So fucking proud. I’m still terrified for him, but I think because he exhibits himself with that strength, he drowns out people trying to tear him down. They move on instead to people they can control, which is sad, but it’s an epidemic with no cure. He had to go through hell and back to achieve that, though. He wasn’t born with all those lessons, he learned them. Because he wanted to. Because he doesn’t need to tear anyone down to inflate himself. He’s better than that. But don’t get me wrong, he will blatantly call any prejudice and abhorrent behaviour if he sees it’s harming people.”
“What is it that Blaize identifies as? If he has to tell people, how he describes himself? I know he blurs the spectrum lines, and honestly, we need people like that to challenge all the stereotyping. I’ve been watching his videos, but now that I think about it, you’re right. Other than discussing being transgender, he doesn’t engage in any telling others how to identify, he just talks about his own experiences. I see how close you are with him, though. How old was he when you and your family started to understand he was born in the wrong body?” Ari asked, going back to his dinner. His meals had been on the run since Justin fell ill, and that was even if he had the time to eat. Sometimes, it was just coffee or a soda, or he didn’t feel like consuming anything at all because of work stress. He needed this, though. Not just the food and TLC, but quiet intimate time with Trent to just chat and be together.
“Non-binary transpansexual. He may sometimes reference himself as transmasculine, but only because he’s male and wants to distinguish himself from queer, people have tried to tell him he’s that too and he’s not impressed with that fucker. So, his own identity isn’t even static. He’s always told me he doesn’t think he’ll ever have stasis in his identity or sexuality because he isn’t one thing or another. Someone once told him his he sounded like he had ADHD sexuality. He ripped them about five new ones telling them they were offensive fucks to people who suffered from ADHD and were too imbecilic to know how to Google before they opened their mouth and tried to play armchair expert. He’s got more balls than I ever had. He’s dated different types of people, but he definitely has a pull to trans or queer people. He’s sexually attracted to that, it’s just the way he is. But I wouldn’t sit here and say I think he’s going to fall deeply in love with someone trans or queer, and that’s all he looks for. Far from it. He just knows many people in the community and he’s not close-minded. He’s kind of like this young Yoda in the spectrum. He likes people’s stories and hearing about their lives. He has people sending him anonymous messages all the time pouring their hearts out to him because they can’t talk about their identities in real life out of fear. He’s taught me more than general life ever could. I’m so proud of him. Like, I don’t even have enough words to describe how much,” Trent said, swirling his wine around in the glass before taking a drink. “He was young. As soon as he started learning, really. Once the inkling was there, our parents started to get him mixing in boy male and female activities. He didn’t specifically take to anything. He would play with both Barbies and train sets. Or he would dress with both girls and boys clothing when Mom let him choose outfits himself. Then it started to tip more in the boy direction. Then one day in preschool, he came home and started telling everyone he was a boy, not a girl, because he had an epic crying fit when a teacher kept trying to tell him he was a lady and had to have proper manners like little girls should. He never stopped.”
Ari was done with his dinner, so he put the bowl on the coffee table and snuggled in closer to Trent. “I like listening to you talk about your family. I’m looking forward to getting to meet them more. Already well on the way with Blaize, he teases you like hell, just like any typical little brother should. The world needs more people like him. Educating with dignity and standing as a figurehead to open the world’s eyes more. Especially kids his age, because soon, they might be parents to kids just like him. Too many bastard parents out their fucking with their kids’ heads from a young age and brainwashing them. It’s despicable. How can you suffocate the life out of your own child in the name of ‘parenting’?”
“Some people only have kids to control them. It’s not about the kid, it’s about breeding carbon copies of themselves and living vicariously through them. Even worse when they blame religion for it. Our family have never been religious, so it was one less hurdle Blaize was protected from. Have you finished eating? Because when I was out getting the shopping, I grabbed some massage oil so I can give you a massage. We don’t have to sit up for ages, we can go to bed early, get naked, plenty of stress relief.” Trent kissed Ari’s head once he put his bowl aside too and gave him a cuddle. “Or we can sit here and talk. Ball’s in your court, honey. I’m good either way. But I know you’re tired and you definitely need to shoot for some sleep sooner rather than later. We have all the time in the world to talk.”
“A massage? Oh my fucking god, what are you? An angel? Because that sounds like heaven. Bed sounds good to me. I’d be lying if I said I want to try to hold out. I’m wrecked. Dinner was amazing, though. You didn’t have to go to all that trouble. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now, though.” Ari stood up and held his hands out to Trent to help him up too. He gave his bum a little squeeze before they moved over to the bed, and he helped Trent move his laundry to the armchair by the window.
Trent smiled and tugged on the hem of his hoodie Ari was in. “Let’s get naked then.”
LOG, COMPLETE
What: R&R
Where: Trent's place, NYC
When: After this
Even though Trent suggested takeout for Ari to come over, knowing how stressed Ari had been with Justin ended up in hospital after a serious collapse, he went to the grocery store and bought everything to make up spaghetti bolognaise, his mom’s recipe. There was that comfort that came with soul food, and Ari needed some TLC. He knew now that Ari took his works seriously, and he was passionate about what he did. He called what he did with Justin ‘intensive case work’ and Trent knew that meant he was right in deep, hands-on as much as it was needed, to work with Justin and his family to give him the best life he could have.
Something like this, however, would take its toll. Justin’s family in no way overworked Ari because Justin himself had timeouts on everything he did. Those timeouts were Ari’s time off, so he and Ari had been able to develop their relationship at a nice easy pace. He adored Ari, who was so cool and confident, that nothing seemed to ruffle his feathers. He took whatever came at him on board and just dealt with it. He didn’t complain about anything.
When Ari arrived, holding a couple of tubs of Ben & Jerrys, Trent could see how tired he was all over his face. As he would be, functioning on little sleep. He was still immaculately dressed and styled, but he was weary. “Hey, honey,” Trent greeted him with a smile and they shared a sweet kiss. “You’re going to come in and put your feet up, and I’m going to take care of you. I’ve got a surprise for you for later.” He took the ice cream to the freezer and turned the stove off where it had been right down low to keep dinner warm until Ari arrived.
“Smells great, sweetheart,” Ari told him, kicking his shoes off at the door and going over to put his bag on Trent’s bed. He liked Trent’s place. It was a sweet little studio, but it was decorated modern to maximise space. It didn’t feel as small as it was. Trent had some fresh laundry on the end of his bed and Ari picked up the hoodie on the top of the pile. “Can I borrow this?” he asked, holding it up.
“Of course you can,” Trent told him, and he couldn’t help it if he was an old fashioned romantic at heart, he liked the idea of Ari wearing his clothes. Ari was a lot more willowy and lithe than Trent was, so it would be loose. Maybe that’s exactly why he wanted it. He knew when Blaize had his last boyfriend, they would share each other’s clothes a lot. Until the relationship died in the ass when the guy was using Blaize’s status to do dumbfuck things and Blaize told him to go fuck himself sideways. “How’s things going? Any updates? Are you allowed to drink while you’re on call? I got wine, but I wasn’t sure either way.” He served the dinner up in some pasta bowls, carrying it over to set on the coffee table with a basket of garlic bread.
Ari not only helped himself to Trent’s hoodie after shucking out of his own clothes, but also a pair of his track pants too. He wanted to try to relax and chillout, exactly why Trent invited him over. Trent always smelled amazing, and he was warm and comfortable. Not just physically, but in his personality. Seemed like a nice way to chill. “I can have a couple, no big deal. Just so long as I don’t get trashed. If they page me, I need to be on the ball with what’s going on. Mark and Gen would never let Justin be discharged too soon, but they still need help, even if Justin’s in hospital. It’s been a big weight off Mark’s shoulders have Gen back in the mix. How was your day? Any models chuck bitchfits on you this time?” he asked, settling on the sofa.
Trent laughed and shook his head, handing Ari his dinner. He had a small Ikea table over in the kitchen area, but if there was going to be chilling, it had to be the sofa or the bed. He had plans for the bed later. “Not today. But I landed a huge contract, thanks to Blaize. FABULOUS wants to do a spread on Justin and his group of friends. Because they spread over the spectrum pretty significantly, and because Amarlie is an emerging young designer, Gen and Paris want to do a spread on them where Amarlie designs outfits for them and they model them for a photoshoot along with interviews about their lives. So, Guy offered me the contract. It should be a whole lot of fun. Fantastic concept too. Young kids these days are always looking for birds of a feather, people they can identify with. That’s how Blaize got so much status so quickly. Obviously not until Justin’s back on his feet, that is. Gives me time to work with Amarlie on concepts. So, tell me exactly what happened at the theatre when he got sick? We haven’t had the chance to talk.” He poured them each a small glass of wine sat by Ari with his bowl and snuggling into his side.
“Fuck, sweetheart, that’s incredible. You’ll have a ball with them, they’re all fantastic kids. It’ll probably take you all day to get through the guys goofing off and trying to fart on each other,” Ari said with a laugh. Working with Justin, he was frequently with his friends too and had gotten to know them all. Trent was right, they were a beautiful mixed spectrum of identities and personalities. Kids these days really did need people they could identify because they were swimming with sharks on an internet full of not just predators but prejudice and judgmental fucks ready to tear anyone down to rise themselves up. It was a nasty time to be alive, whether people wanted to admit it or not. It was why all these kids were so close and stuck together like glue. They loved and protected each other unconditionally. He had a bite of his dinner, nodding and pointing to his mouth with his fork before he swallowed. “This is amazing. Better than what my dad makes. The whole thing with Justin was so quick. He hadn’t been feeling well since they started him on the new meds, so I knew that. It did just seem like he was saddled with stomach issues. He had been off his food all week, just feeling generally yuck inside like when you’re in the early stages of a tummy bug. He wasn’t constantly sick, but he had a couple of bouts of vomiting and he was off his food. And that was the thing, he got right through the show. Nate consulting with him and because Justin wanted to keep going with work at least, Nate prescribed an injection of something to ease the nausea. That was where it all went to shit.”
Trent smirked, shaking his head. “Oh, yes. I remember being that young and mischievous one time. Even if I was shy as all hell. The boys outrank the girls, so they’re always going to have the upper hand on the goofing off. Blaize with Ash and Zen have been terrorising Amarle for years with boy shenanigans.” He patted Ari’s thigh softly, reminding him he was there if he wanted to talk about this. If he didn’t, that would be okay too. Right from the start, Justin himself had outright told Ari he didn’t care if he talked about any of his shit with Trent. He obviously didn’t want the stuff public and valued his privacy and confidentiality, but he had said that you need to be able to talk to your partner about all the hard shit, and he was a hell of a lot of hard shit. Poor kid, but it had meant Ari had confided in him along the way and chatted about his day at work where he needed to. Trent accompanied Ari to some of the functions he went to with Justin. It was just a nice dynamic and Trent enjoyed being part of it. “So, the medication Nate gave him caused the problem? He hasn’t had it before? Blaize was telling me that even though there were a couple of pictures and a video floating around of what happened, you can’t see anything. Justin stepped back from the front of the stage before it happened, or something? You can just hear people gasping and see the cast on stage swarm a little.”
Ari gave Trent a kiss and then picked up his wine to sip. “That’s what happened. It was so quick, and I highly doubt it was Justin’s reasoning to back away. Not being as sick as he was to have a seizure moments later. He more stumbled back than consciously moved back. But because it was during curtain call, the entire cast were up there doing their thing. No one was expecting him to collapse. It was terrifying, though. Dory completely lost her shit. You would have thought someone was murdering him. She bit someone who tried to hold her back, but that’s what they get for trying to touch a working dog doing her job. That’s exactly why only people she knows can pet her, she’ll take your arm off if you cockblock her doing her job, which is to sound the alarm if he’s in danger. It wasn’t the meds Nate prescribed per se. He’s definitely had it before. But that interacted with the new drug he was on. It can happen sometimes. He’s had severe drug reactions in the past. The more medication you take, the more risk there is of clinical interactions. But in an area like mental illness, there are always new drugs and therapies coming on the market. His condition isn’t what they can consider ‘stable’. It’s always worth trying to get it to stabilise more. It was just really fucking frightening to see him go down like that. Then he started to have a seizure, and when he came out of it, he was sick. Jesse was there seeing the show, thank fuck. He knew exactly what to do. Not that I didn’t, but back-up is always helpful, especially with a pile of bodies standing around trying to be helpful.”
“That’s terrifying. I don’t think I would have known what the hell to do but scream for help and hope for the best. Validation, though, why he definitely needs a carer with him when he’s working. I’ve seen how you are with him, though. You’re not trying to be a crutch to him, you let him do what he can and you’re just there with what he can’t. That’s got to be helpful to his self-worth and independence. You can just do your cool and collected stunning bitch routine in the wings and he gets to do as much as he can to give his life value. Jesse’s such a sweetheart. He was my nurse when I was sick and landed in hospital myself. Best bedside manner. It would have been a stage and audience full of terrified people wondering what the fuck was going on.” Trent put his bowl in his lap while he focused on Ari for a little while. He stroked his hair, curling his fingers through it. It was soft and he knew it smelled amazing. He had a guilty pleasure habit of nuzzling his nose into it when he was was topping. “Did you have any idea it was medication related when it happened? I mean, you’re qualified to do the job, but you’re still only human. I would have shat myself. Blaize told me they’ve all been chatting about it in a group chat. It sent shockwaves through them all. Merlin was right beside him when it happened.”
Ari turned his head and kissed Trent’s fingers with a smile. “He’s a sick kid with a disability. It’s easy for the world to look at him on the face of it and be blinded by the fact he looks normal. A lot of his fans can’t fathom how ill he is because they never see direct signs of it. But until something like this happens, or like Bondi happens, they’re just not going to. He doesn’t want his private struggles and challenges on constant exhibition. He doesn’t even understand it a lot of the time, so he knows people who don’t experience it won’t either. Plus, a lot of it is so personal, it’s embarrassing and he has to succumb to losing his dignity a lot of the time. That’s not fucking easy with people gawping at you. I’m glad none of their videos or photos turned out. The one at Bondi is horrific enough, but once something goes viral on the internet, it’s there forever. Something like this? I mean, fuck, he’s a kid who is ill. Respect his privacy, for fuck’s sake. It’s not rocket science. There seems to be no filter where people pause and got ‘Well, if this was me, I wouldn’t want people taking photos either’. Just because he’s a celebrity and got status, doesn’t eradicate the fact he’s human. There’s a entrenchment of morbid curiosity with social media. It gives people not only a superiority complex but an entitlement complex that just because they see or share something on social media, it makes them a part of it. It doesn’t.” He paused and sighed, giving Trent a tired wry smile. “Sorry, it’s been a long week.”
Trent cupped Ari’s cheek and leaned in, giving him a tender kiss. “Don’t be sorry. That’s why I’m here,” he murmured and softly brushed his nose against Ari’s. “I want you to know you can talk to me about this stuff any time you need to. You do a hard job, you need to be able to offload some of it sometimes. It doesn’t matter how postgraduate educated you are, you care about him and this is upsetting. He could have died. If we’re dating, I want you to be able to lean on me when you need it. I know how some of this stuff works. Our family went through challenges with Blaize being transgender, and then following his accident. His surgery wasn’t smooth, and the transition took a long time for him to adjust to. The mind and body aren’t always on the same page. But you know something? Not once as Blaize played the victim. Not once. And neither has Justin, because they don’t want this one piece of them to entirely define them. Blaize hates labels. That’s the problem with the online culture these days. Too many labels and too much of people forcing them onto others, shoving them down their throat and then stepping back and playing dumb when people getting shitted off with it. To have to be in the spotlight in that climate? It must suck when things aren’t going well. I really do think social media dehumanizes people. It tries to crush people’s identities into tiny little boxes, and that sucks ass. But for Justin, he’s got a whole army of people trying to assume they know him and know what he battles, and because they think they know, they think they have all the answers and their opinion is static to everyone. Nothing could be more wrong in this world. Why is the world such an angry place? Because for every one person who wants to collect labels like it’s their job and will reel them off to anyone who is listening to vye for attention, there are probably ten people who don’t want anyone telling them who or what they are. It’s a constant shitstorm of anger and conflict, with kids in the middle of that getting seriously hurt.”
Ari nodded, watching Trent quietly. He had paused in his eating to listen, and he could hear a lot of wisdom behind the words. Wisdom of experience. “You worry yourself sick about Blaize every day, don’t you? His state of mind, his life, his own challenges. You haven’t talked a lot about it. I can see you’re doing all you can to just let him spread his wings and fly however he wants to fly, but it’s still fearful. I don’t blame him for hating labels. I’m not a fan myself. You can be a lot of things, you can have a lot of things, but don’t tell someone else how to be, or what to do. I see it, it’s deplorable. Everyone wants free speech for themselves, but in trying to convince the world of that, they’re gagging others trying to achieve the same. This is why my Facebook list his small, and my collection of fucks to give even smaller. If you have to be a cunt trying to prove you’re holier than thou, you’re not a good person. You’re a self-focused cunt and you’ll never have room for anyone else because you’re too busy trying to be an identity Nazi to everyone else with your speshul snowflake syndrome with the side effect of deluding you into believing you’re in a better position to make those calls. Then blaming whatever label you pull out of your ass to justify why you get to say what you do. That’s not educating, that’s narcissism. You see it all over the internet. But like I heard Justin say when I first met him, ‘Until you shit out of my asshole, get the fuck off my back and out of my face’. How does Blaize deal with that stuff? Do you get scared people will hurt him?”
Ari got it, and Trent cherished the fact he could lament this stuff with someone who got it. It played on his mind a lot every day, because the speshul snowflake type of people could actually be dangerous and life threatening if they push one person too far and break them. No one’s life had more value than anyone else’s. “It’s terrifying sometimes, but Blaize… well, I don’t think he ‘deals’ with it. He will just actively not engage dickheads like that. Which probably shits them off because they don’t have any control then, and that’s what they want. They want control, they want to have their butts patted, be told they’re right and they know better. They don’t. Everyone is fighting battles, and those battles shape who you are, not identity Nazis sitting on Facebook looking for ways to pump their own egos up. None of that is comfortable for me either. It takes more strength not to engage than it does to lower to petty shit-flinging and I’m proud of Blaize for that. So fucking proud. I’m still terrified for him, but I think because he exhibits himself with that strength, he drowns out people trying to tear him down. They move on instead to people they can control, which is sad, but it’s an epidemic with no cure. He had to go through hell and back to achieve that, though. He wasn’t born with all those lessons, he learned them. Because he wanted to. Because he doesn’t need to tear anyone down to inflate himself. He’s better than that. But don’t get me wrong, he will blatantly call any prejudice and abhorrent behaviour if he sees it’s harming people.”
“What is it that Blaize identifies as? If he has to tell people, how he describes himself? I know he blurs the spectrum lines, and honestly, we need people like that to challenge all the stereotyping. I’ve been watching his videos, but now that I think about it, you’re right. Other than discussing being transgender, he doesn’t engage in any telling others how to identify, he just talks about his own experiences. I see how close you are with him, though. How old was he when you and your family started to understand he was born in the wrong body?” Ari asked, going back to his dinner. His meals had been on the run since Justin fell ill, and that was even if he had the time to eat. Sometimes, it was just coffee or a soda, or he didn’t feel like consuming anything at all because of work stress. He needed this, though. Not just the food and TLC, but quiet intimate time with Trent to just chat and be together.
“Non-binary transpansexual. He may sometimes reference himself as transmasculine, but only because he’s male and wants to distinguish himself from queer, people have tried to tell him he’s that too and he’s not impressed with that fucker. So, his own identity isn’t even static. He’s always told me he doesn’t think he’ll ever have stasis in his identity or sexuality because he isn’t one thing or another. Someone once told him his he sounded like he had ADHD sexuality. He ripped them about five new ones telling them they were offensive fucks to people who suffered from ADHD and were too imbecilic to know how to Google before they opened their mouth and tried to play armchair expert. He’s got more balls than I ever had. He’s dated different types of people, but he definitely has a pull to trans or queer people. He’s sexually attracted to that, it’s just the way he is. But I wouldn’t sit here and say I think he’s going to fall deeply in love with someone trans or queer, and that’s all he looks for. Far from it. He just knows many people in the community and he’s not close-minded. He’s kind of like this young Yoda in the spectrum. He likes people’s stories and hearing about their lives. He has people sending him anonymous messages all the time pouring their hearts out to him because they can’t talk about their identities in real life out of fear. He’s taught me more than general life ever could. I’m so proud of him. Like, I don’t even have enough words to describe how much,” Trent said, swirling his wine around in the glass before taking a drink. “He was young. As soon as he started learning, really. Once the inkling was there, our parents started to get him mixing in boy male and female activities. He didn’t specifically take to anything. He would play with both Barbies and train sets. Or he would dress with both girls and boys clothing when Mom let him choose outfits himself. Then it started to tip more in the boy direction. Then one day in preschool, he came home and started telling everyone he was a boy, not a girl, because he had an epic crying fit when a teacher kept trying to tell him he was a lady and had to have proper manners like little girls should. He never stopped.”
Ari was done with his dinner, so he put the bowl on the coffee table and snuggled in closer to Trent. “I like listening to you talk about your family. I’m looking forward to getting to meet them more. Already well on the way with Blaize, he teases you like hell, just like any typical little brother should. The world needs more people like him. Educating with dignity and standing as a figurehead to open the world’s eyes more. Especially kids his age, because soon, they might be parents to kids just like him. Too many bastard parents out their fucking with their kids’ heads from a young age and brainwashing them. It’s despicable. How can you suffocate the life out of your own child in the name of ‘parenting’?”
“Some people only have kids to control them. It’s not about the kid, it’s about breeding carbon copies of themselves and living vicariously through them. Even worse when they blame religion for it. Our family have never been religious, so it was one less hurdle Blaize was protected from. Have you finished eating? Because when I was out getting the shopping, I grabbed some massage oil so I can give you a massage. We don’t have to sit up for ages, we can go to bed early, get naked, plenty of stress relief.” Trent kissed Ari’s head once he put his bowl aside too and gave him a cuddle. “Or we can sit here and talk. Ball’s in your court, honey. I’m good either way. But I know you’re tired and you definitely need to shoot for some sleep sooner rather than later. We have all the time in the world to talk.”
“A massage? Oh my fucking god, what are you? An angel? Because that sounds like heaven. Bed sounds good to me. I’d be lying if I said I want to try to hold out. I’m wrecked. Dinner was amazing, though. You didn’t have to go to all that trouble. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now, though.” Ari stood up and held his hands out to Trent to help him up too. He gave his bum a little squeeze before they moved over to the bed, and he helped Trent move his laundry to the armchair by the window.
Trent smiled and tugged on the hem of his hoodie Ari was in. “Let’s get naked then.”
LOG, COMPLETE