"I can take it if I know I'll see my brother."

[nothingelsematters]

Who: Lorenzo and Clint Chevalier
What: The family grows
Where: NICU, Mount Sinai
When: After this

Lorenzo wouldn't let Lewis take him home after what went down. It didn't matter if he should be on bed rest and taking it easier, nothing would have gotten his ass out of that hospital while his brother and extended family were going through so much. Lewis was understandably worried, but knowing people in high places helped, and Lorenzo retained the hospital room so he could at least be under the same roof as Clint while everything was so precarious. As much as he wanted to be taken straight to Clint to help him, and be there for him, he respected that Lincoln was Clint's husband. Same as Clint had respected that Lewis was Lorenzo's husband when he had been in the worst condition. Lewis said he and Clint spoke a lot, but Clint hadn't tried to stick his nose in on what was Lewis' responsibility. Boundaries were something they were learning now everything had changed, but they were getting there.

This wasn't what anyone would have seen coming. You would never wish complications on any pregnant woman or their baby. It was a hard enough experience as it was, and all you were doing was trying to learn and get it right. But the body could be fragile and things could go wrong. Lewis made sure he had constant updates coming to him so he could keep Lorenzo in the loop like he needed to be. No news had come for a long stretch of time there, but just as Lorenzo had started to feel panicky that the worst was happening, Richie came up and delivered the news the baby had been born safely by emergency c-section, and transferred to the NICU under Nate's care once he was stable.

Like Holly, he was small at birth. Holly only just breached four pounds, but this little button was even smaller, but born earlier than Holly, so that was understandable. Lorenzo cried in relief when he heard that his nephew had at least arrived safely. Though he was critical. He needed a lot of intervention to be able to grow and thrive. He would need help getting his tiny organs to grow and strengthen. But the worst was past. Ange was kept in Recovery for quite a long time, but considering the blood loss she had suffered prior to the birth, and then another large haemorrhage after the birth, it was the best place for her. Richie said that as soon as she was stabled, they would transfer her to the ICU, just over from the NICU. She would be able to see the baby as soon as she could safely be moved.

Lorenzo had to get to Clint. He wasn't going to be able to rest until he could see him. Even if Lewis was a giant ball of stress at the moment, he didn't even try to intercept Lorenzo's twintuition. It was a new thing for him to be experiencing. At least, consciously. So, Richie arranged for a wheelchair to take Lorenzo over to the NICU and once he got there safely, Lewis was going to take Holly home to bathe her and put her to bed. Or probably put her in their bed with him. She had been shaken up with what happened and they had spent the day taking turns nursing her in their arms because she started to scream again every time they put her down. She would probably be okay once she could get a cuddle from her Auntie Angie again.

Gowned up and Richie pretty much drowning him in antibacterial wash, Lorenzo was finally taken in to where Clint was sitting by an incubator. Holy fuck, surreal sight. Richie, baby brother to both of them now, knew they needed twin time alone, even if he was officially an uncle all over again and this time from scratch. As soon as he was at Clint's side, Lorenzo put his hand on Clint's back. "Hey. We've got this, okay? All of us, as a family. You ain't on your own, dude. Fuck, you're a dad. This is incredible."

Comments

[privateinvestigations]

Clint had lost in his own thoughts. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there staring at his son, and barely even clocked anything going on around him until Lorenzo was suddenly there and hugging him. "What the fuck are you doing here? You're supposed to be fucking home in bed. Fuck. Am I allowed to swear? Can he fucking hear me?" He put a hand over his mouth, and the other was trying to cover the hand hole closest to him, like it could somehow block the cussing from reaching the baby's ears. "Can he even fucking hear this young? I don't know what to fucking do. They said he's mine. Like, he came outta Ange, but what the fuck? What the fuck?"

It was the best he had right now. He pointed into the incubator. "How the fuck did I do that?" he soon asked, the helplessness evident in his tone. He shook his head, pulling dragging his fingers through is hair and then rubbing it over his face. "He's so fucking small. I'm gonna fucking break him. The lesbian bitches are gonna kill me if I fuck this up."

[nothingelsematters]

"Fuck off. You've just become a dad, and I'm an uncle. You think I'm not going to be here for this?" Lorenzo could be a stubborn cunt when he needed to be, and there was no more need for it than right at that moment. Clint was freaking out. He was trying to keep his shit together, but he had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to be doing here. He hadn't foreseen complications. He had probably just assumed he would sit outside in a hallway while Angela and Emily got the job done in the delivery suite. Someone would hand him a perfectly healthy baby that was his, he would hand it back, and that was his part done. Like Lincoln, though, Lorenzo knew Clint had been going through a process of evolution he wasn't fully conscious off. This just happened too quick, and he didn't know how to handle it. It was okay. He would get there. Lorenzo knew Clint and Lincoln were both going to be fantastic fathers together.

He finally paused to lean in for a closer look at his nephew. He put his hand to his mouth with an awed shake of his head. "Fuck, dude, he's gorgeous. I know you're going to struggle seeing anything but the tubes, but have you really looked at him? His ears work, but he doesn't know what swearing is so go for it. Whatever helps you get through this..." He couldn't resist putting his hand inside the incubator, stroking the baby's little forehead. "Hey, there, lil' man. I am totally going to be the coolest uncle ever. Holy fuck, you're making me want another one."

[privateinvestigations]

"You nearly fucking dropped dead. Why is everyone I care about trying to fucking drop dead?" To say Clint was exhausted was an understatement. He felt a little like he was losing his fucking mind, but on the flipside, like his brain had turned to mush. He wouldn't leave. That wasn't even on the cards. He never believed in fucking karma before, but now, at his most vulnerable and his newborn son right there before him on what looked like infant life support, he was starting to question fucking everything about the world. His eyes turned again to his son, and his guts twisted up seeing all the shit attached to him. It was making him feel like the whole world had been yanked out from under him. "They asked if I wanted to hold him."

He watched Lorenzo closely, taking in every move and the gentle tone of his voice. Clint had gotten used to Lorenzo as a father now. Hell, he had gotten used to himself as an uncle. But this was a whole new fucking ball game. "No one's having anymore until this one grows into something that resembles a fucking human. You talk baby. Tell him his moms will be here as soon as they can. Every time he moves, I feel like I'm about to shit myself because I can't have anything happen to him until Ange sees him. Fuck, how the fuck is she going to be? They ripped her kid outta her gut without warning."

[nothingelsematters]

"We're not trying to drop dead, we're surviving. We're all still here. I'm not moving. I'm just sitting here. It's not like I'm about to fucking jump up and do a few laps of city border." Clint airing his frustrations like this said a lot more to Lorenzo than the actual words did. They hadn't had an easy time. Their family as a whole had been through some horrible tragedies, but they had a great track record of getting through them. This would be no different. Lorenzo was pretty fucking proud of all of them for weathering the storms and coming out the other side. "You should have held him, buddy. That wasn't just for you, it's for him too. As soon as any baby is born, it's best they feel that connection ASAP. I know you're scared, but you can't avoid it forever. Hello, excuse? Is it possible for Clint to hold his son?" he said, flagging down the nurse at the other side of the room.

He shook his head. "I don't talk baby. I talk my daughter, sure. But this one's your's. And he's just as much your's and Linc's as he is Ange's and Emily's. Clint, there's nothing fucking easy about this. There's no instruction manual to call upon. You can't fucking Google how to do it. You can try, but you'll get a billion and one fucking differing opinions. Trust me, it's a minefield and not worth it. It'll only fuck up your anxiety about it even more. But you can trust in the medical staff here, because you know first-hand how awesome they are. I've trusted Holly with them numerous times, and I'm telling you, dude, trusting your kid with anyone you don't know feels like a fucking World War battle. But you gotta make that connection with him. So does Ange, Emily, Linc. But yeah, it's going to be harder for Ange. She won't have any memory of birthing him. She's missed that first vital cuddle with him. She didn't even go into labour with him. She's going to need us all to get through this."

[privateinvestigations]

Clint was looking at Lorenzo like he was talking in tongues or something. Normally he was at least five steps ahead of everything so he could maintain control over it, but this wasn't anything remotely close to what he was built for. He couldn't call in favours from 'connections' to sort shit out. He couldn't tackle it by going undercover and fucking someone up. It hadn't even crossed his mind that the little thing in the glass box attached to all the tubes and wriggling around in there would need anything from him. Wasn't that what mothers were for? Only, coming from Lorenzo, it threw Clint a curve ball. Holly only had hew mother for three weeks, and she had been fucked up in the head. Lorenzo had done it all on his own, so he was a voice of reason, no fucking doubt. But he usually was. "No, look... fuck. It's cool. He's good in there, you folk know what you're doing with him."

The words were falling on deaf ears. The nurse was obliging, giving them a friendly smile. Clint could just sit there, feeling scared out of his fucking mind as he watched the three pound ball of flesh be scooped out of the little nest they had him in inside the incubator. His heart was fucking racing and the verbal protests were pointless. The nurse placed the baby in his the crook of his arm, which she had swaddled in a soft blue receiving blanket. The nurse was telling him to nurse his head with one hand, and his bum with the other. Clint didn't even realise he had been holding his breath, until it came out in a rush around a whispered, "Holy fuck." He was rigid all over, because he was sure if he moved, he would detach vital wires or tubes. He was so fucking small. He looked at Lorenzo, and then the baby, and then repeated it again. His tiny head was even smaller than the cup of Clint's hand. He opened his eyes and when Clint saw them for the first time, he knew this was the moment everyone had been warning him about. He was beautiful and Clint was tearing up. "I'm so fucking sorry you got me as a dad."

[nothingelsematters]

Lorenzo couldn't have quite known how much this would emotionally impact on him too. He and Clint had been partners in crime since, they now knew, pre-birth. They might be as different as chalk and cheese, but they had always been close. This was a day he never thought would happen. Ever. Clint had been one of those people who just had no interest in kids, or procreating. He found pleasure in too many non-child friendly things. That was just how he was. But life had thrown them all so many curve balls, that a lot of things they thought would never change, had changed forever. He had never thought he would see Clint married, either, but Clint found his perfect match and he actually loved being married, because they set their own rules, which is exactly how it should be. Lorenzo knew Clint would protest, but he also knew that he and Lincoln were the only two people on the face of the earth who could push him to do something he was resisting.

He put his hand up to his mouth, seeing Clint nursing his son for the first time. Zephyr was so tiny and fragile, but if anyone could nurture him to strength and health, it was his four parents who adored him. Lorenzo would be right there with Lewis and Holly, offering all the help and support they needed. But this? This was blowing Lorenzo away, especially as soon as he saw Clint's tears, which were something that rarely happened, unless he was facing something out of his control that he couldn't pull strings to fix and make better. He put his hand on Clint's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "Fuck, he's perfect. I know you don't feel like he is, but he survived, buddy. He got through this. He can get through anything. He's gonna make you feel things you never fucking thought you would feel. He's got the Chevalier eyes."

[privateinvestigations]

For Clint, this moment felt like time stopped. It felt like he was having an outer-body experience. It felt like he couldn't quite breathe properly. Mostly because he had come to hold his breath without realising it. It didn't feel like a baby. He looked like one, just a really fucking tiny one. He had all baby features. Looking him over, holding him he was about to break if he made the merest of movements, Clint took in his son's tiny nose, his little mouth, his ears, his eyes, those tiny eyelashes. He looked at the fingers and that hand that had all the markers of being human, but it wasn't big enough. He was overwhelmed, and there was no control over any of this situation. It was why he was fighting it. He wanted to stay in the denial arena, because he knew how to navigate shit there. This? This was so out of his depth, he was floundering. But Lorenzo wasn't going to let him keep playing an ostrich. He continued to flounder even then, kind of holding the kid like he was highly fragile vase that might explode into a million pieces if he breathed too hard.

It was the eyes that did it. Up to that moment, he hadn't considered the fact the baby had eyes. That would so so fucking stupid if he said it out loud, but it hadn't crossed his mind to check what Lorenzo was pointing out. He hesitated at first but as soon as it was out there, his gaze was drawn there. It was true. Those family eyes, the ones passed on to them via their grandmother. Ironically, had skipped the generation of their father. Their father's eyes had been dark, almost black. Evil eyes, on the fucking vile cunt that he was. They matched his soul. But the blue eyes went on to Lorenzo and Clint both. Richie, too, and Renz had passed them to Holly. Now it seemed Clint had passed them to his son. His thumb brushed the baby's cheek. "I've got no fucking clue what I'm supposed to do with this, Renz," he finally admitted out loud, gazing at the baby in his arms. Or hands, to be more accurate.