"It's oh so quiet..."

[shadowdays]

Who: Asher Brennan and Amarlie-Rose Satori
What: Late night chats
Where: Casa de Campbell, Upper East Side
When: Monday night

Asher hadn't even realised he was near close to falling asleep until he woke up with his face smooshed against his book, one leg hanging off the bed, and one leg of his pyjama pants hiked up over his knee. He was pretty sure it was the cold knee that woke him. He wasn't a fan of being cold, and he felt it a lot. He was That One Friend who was always cold, and it was forever a source of amusement to Zen and Amarlie. When he woke, Zenith was asleep beside him, which surprised Asher, because they had a fight earlier about something stupid and insignificant. Asher didn't even realise he was being 'distant' until Zenith was accusing him of it, and then they started fighting... which led to Justin storming in and threatening them both in the most fabulously sassy gay bitch way for making too much noise while Sasha was sick with a migraine. They both felt guilty, and then proceeded to give each other the silent treatment. Zenith must have come to bed after Asher fell asleep. Maybe it was just teething problems living together, or...?

He got up carefully, and even though he tried to be quiet leaving the bed and exiting the room, he still banged his knee on the end of the bed, and started to cuss, but quickly slapped his hand over his mouth so he didn't wake Zen up. That would no doubt lead to another bitch fight. Zen hated being woken up. Unless, of course, there was a valid reason. If Asher had been ill or sad or anything like that, Zen would wake up for him to help him, no questions asked. His first stop was Amarlie's room, where he was going to sneak into bed with her and not-so-subtly 'accidentally' wake her up so they could chat. But Amarlie wasn't in bed, and Asher only then thought to check his watch and realised it wasn't as late as it seemed. The place was just really quiet, perhaps because Justin had threatened to make everyone eat their own innards on kebab sticks if they weren't quiet too?

He found Amarlie out in the living room watching Netflix and having a cup of tea. "Hey," he said softly, looking around. "Did Justin murder everyone for yelling? It's quiet. Um... can I talk to you about something?" he asked hesitantly and flopped onto the sofa beside her, wrapping his arm around her and cuddling up beside her.

Comments

[innocenteyes]

Amarlie finished her sip of tea and gave Asher an accusatory point. "Hey, you two deserved to have your asses reamed over that. You had one job, and that was to keep it down while Sasha had a migraine. Trust me, I've seen him have really bad ones, and this is right up there with that. You wouldn't like two little bitches having a domestic in the room across the hall when your head felt like someone was going all Lizzie Borden on it with a hatchet. What was all that about anyway?" she asked and gave him a kiss on the cheek, even if she was chewing him out a little. She was used to Asher and Zenith having spats. Sometimes they got on each other's nerves, but this seemed like a pretty intense one. She hoped it was just teething problems and not them having zero compatibility living together. Especially when they had to share a room. Or, rather, had chosen to share a room and now they had no choice with Justin's grandparents staying on for the time being to help with Mark being sick.

But then Asher was saying he wanted to talk about something, so maybe it wasn't just a spat. "What's up? You're not going to tell me you're homesick and want to go home, are you? Not that would deny you if you needed to. All this, it's a huge change for everyone, and it takes some getting used to, being here."

[shadowdays]

"I know, I know!" Asher admitted sheepishly. He felt like a terrible twat for making noise when Sasha wasn't feeling good. That was probably the worse part, because they knew Sasha had come home sick from school. They hadn't been home when he did, but as soon as they had, Justin had jumped on them and told them to STFU or else. He had also said at that point that he would rarely ask anything of them in their own home, but keeping quiet when Sasha had a migraine was one of them. "I fucked up. It was my fault. I mean, I know we were both having it out, but it was because of me. That's what I want to talk to you about..."

He just didn't know how to put it into words. The was evidence in the deep breath he took and let out in a rush, and even then, the words weren't coming out. "I, um..." He tried to start, and stopped. It was probably because he was confronting things he hadn't really clearly seen until they were away from home and figuring the next bit of their life out. "The first started because Zen accused me of being distant with him. I denied it. That's when the bitchfight started. Because... I was. I didn't realise it, but I was. Because I was jealous. He slept with someone else, so I'm breaking all the rules. And, um... I think it's because that maybe I want more than FWB? Which is also breaking the rules. Because if I tell him the truth, it will make everything awkward and weird, and we're supposed to be living together."

[innocenteyes]

Amarlie's eyebrows crept up at the fact Asher was even saying this out loud. She would be lying if she wasn't completely WTF over why they didn't just give dating a shot. They were two of the most compatible people in the world, and they had been attracted to each other from puberty and inseparable growing up. They lost their virginities to each other. They were always there for each other unconditionally through the tough times. And the sexual chemistry was undeniable. It had never been a thing for Asher that Zen was born in the wrong body. It didn't bother him that his body was 100% physically 'male'. All three of them had been as close as friends could be, but Ash and Zen had a really special bond that surpassed the undercurrent of their friendship. She never really got why they kept it at FWB, and she had told that to Justin when he asked. She had just never seen either of them sway from the 'We're happy with the arrangement' agreement. But she had also never seen Ash jealous before, and Zen slept with other people occasionally. Namely, he tended to enjoy sometimes being with other trans men for an emotional empathy. Zen had never defined his sexuality, or slapped any labels on himself. And he wouldn't. She asked him once if he knew what he was, or it just didn't matter, and he said he knew, but it didn't matter to anyone else. That, too, was something they always respected. Ash, on the other hand, was as gay as they came.

"Ash, you can't just not tell him and sit there stewing every time he's with someone else. That'll eat you alive. Plus, it means that even if you didn't mean to, you're changing the boundaries. He would be hurt if you didn't talk to him about it, or kept thing from him. You guys have never kept anything from each other. It can't change now. But shit, I didn't even realise he hooked up here. Who was it?" she asked curiously. Zen wasn't a prude, but he never talked about the other people he slept with who weren't Asher, out of respect to Asher. He just did it, and didn't see a need to broadcast it. Zen was a complex guy, and an onion dude. He had a lot of layers, and he was one of the more rare types of people in this world. He never judged anyone, and never imposed boundaries on himself either... so he didn't to anyone else by default. It was special. Amarlie always so deeply respected that side of him. "So... wow. Like, love? You're falling in love, or you've always been and only just realising it?"

[shadowdays]

Asher was sitting there feeling churned up inside with a whole lot of emotions he just didn't understand, let alone know how to figure out. The fear everything was going to change terrified him, because he didn't want it to change. He thought they had a really awesome thing all along now, and didn't want to kiss it goodbye. That was why he was hating on himself for changing the boundaries, just like Amarlie was pointing out that he was. He didn't want it to change, so why the fuck was he changing it?! "I don't know. Maybe I'm just... just... worried we're in, like, the biggest city in the fucking world, and there's a higher concentration of people here, so he might find someone else. Then that someone else will just think I'm in the way and won't want to share. Like, who could blame them, you know? People don't want to share. Do you think Justin would want to share Sasha? Real life doesn't work like that. Maybe I'm just being a selfish brat. Maybe it's not feelings at all, it's just plain old jealousy because I'm an asshole who doesn't want someone else playing with his favourite toy."

He shrugged, trying his best to convince himself not to be bothered. "Some... dance guy. Trans. Works with Justin on the flashmobs. They met at Justin's party. I don't even think they knew they were trans at that point, but they added each other on Facebook, and it came out that way. So, they were going to meet for coffee, which okay. That didn't bother me. Then he came home from it with hickeys, and I didn't know how the fuck to feel. I was feeling everything and nothing all at once. I didn't mean to be a prick, and I didn't even know I was acting like that. He just called me out on it. What Justin and Sasha have looks really good. I think maybe I'm just seeing that and it's messing everything up in my head. Do you think I should just go out and fuck someone too, and it'll make it all better again?"

[innocenteyes]

Amarlie grabbed a cushion and softly smacked Asher in the face with it. "Stop that. Can you hear yourself? You can't just talk yourself out of how you feel, because it's not going to go away just because you tell it to. That's the cowards way out. I know you don't want things to change, but I've got a newsflash for you, honey. Everything is changing. Not just our circumstances, but who we are. We're growing up. We're not at home being kids anymore. And yeah, we're surrounded here by a whole lot of people who are inevitably going to make us think about ourselves. I haven't stopped doing that since I met Justin and learned just how deeply shit ran with him. What he's survived to get to where he is. If Zen finds someone else, it will be your fault for not telling him now how you feel. He's not a mindreader. Comparing you and Zen to Justin and Sasha right now is basic. Stop being a basic bitch. You and Zen are self-professed friends-with-benefits because that's what you agreed to. Justin and Sash are deeply in love and committing to that more and more every day. It's completely different. You're jealous because you have those feelings and it's breaking your heart to think of him with someone else."

She had never been shy in putting her boys in their place. They did the same with her. This could potentially turn into a messy and awkward situation that ruined what they had. She wasn't going to let that happen. Still, Justin hadn't mentioned having a trans guy in his flashmob truth. Not that she thought he should, but considering Zen and Cassidy, she was surprised it hadn't come up. Nor was she surprised Zen hooked up with him. "You're not a prick, but you're definitely being a basic bitch right now. Trust me, I have a brother who has the biggest radar for basic bitches. I'll get him in here to back me up." She put her hands up over her face with a frustrated groan. "You don't believe that. I know you don't. And you'd be a twat if you do that to try to even up the scales. Talk to him.."

[shadowdays]

No, Asher hadn't been hearing himself, but he definitely started to after being slapping in the face with a pillow. Trust Amarlie to literally try to knock some sense into him. "Fuck, okay," he conceded sheepishly, and then sat there with his shoulders slumped, channelling a cross between a naughty child and a dog who had just chewed up your favourite cushion. "Well, maybe I don't want to risk getting hurt, alright? Maybe I don't want to hear that he's fine with just FWB for the rest of our lives, only to have the FWB completely shelved when he meets someone and falls in love with them. See? I'm a selfish prick. Why the fuck would I be wishing that on him? That he doesn't find love just so I don't have to stop having him. I don't know what I'm supposed to be thinking or feeling, because this is confusing as all fuck. Like, why has it suddenly changed? That's the bit I don't get. The only explanation is I'm a jealous fuck. Maybe what Justin and Sasha have is what I really want to test drive with someone, I just feel physically sick when I think about it happening and it changing whatever Zen and I have."

He waved his heads. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. No. Don't get Justin out here. Don't wake him up or he'll literally murder me with a pair of sparkling Converse for disrupting his Sash TLC. I'm pretty sure he could bitch me out mid-song like one of those scenes in a musical where they break out in song even at the most serious plot points." He sat there, pretty sure he was doing something akin to sulking because he didn't know how he was supposed to deal with all this. Things had been easy up to now, then his stupid heart had gone all MOVE! I'M GAY on his brain. "What if he gets mad because I changed the agreement? We've always just laughed about the thought of us dating. I used to think it was funny. Now it just feels terrifying because of the unknown."