"When I look into my nephew's eyes..."

[breakablehearts]

Who: Sam and Justin Campbell with a side order of Dad
What: When the going gets tough, you still have to uncle
Where: Older Children's Unit, Mount Sinai
When: After THIS

Despite the fact Sam had been feeling shellshocked, numb, and alone, ultimately, there was someone more important in all of this than how he was feeling. Justin. His beautiful, yet damaged, nephew who needed more love than he would ever understand he deserved. It was common place now that Justin tended to hate being in the hospital after his suicide attempts. It was like shackling him to a strong reminder that he was sick and not normal. This time, there was no choice but to keep him in. He had an infection in his blood, that had come from an infection somewhere else in his body. He had been ill, but didn't recognise the good from the bad because he had become acclimatised to feeling poorly. Sam's heart felt like it was broken, and in a way he wasn't sure he had really felt before. Justin nearly committed suicide in front of him, and as well as the same pain they all felt with his previous near-misses, Sam suddenly felt like his own life had a big hole in it...

It had opened the healed over wounds inside of losing his own three unborn babies.

He just hadn't said that to anyone. He knew it was low down on the priority, all things considered. And he was more than okay with that. He expected to shake the grief once it crept back inside him. He really thought he had peace over it all, thinking of it as a 'not meant to be' sort of thing. Apparently life and death was never as simple as that. Apparently the near-miss death of your brother's beautiful son was a stark reminder of these things.

He knew he had to go see Justin. Only, when he got there, Mark met him in the hospital corridor and said Justin had passed out in the Rainbow Room in the middle of all the kids. Instead of the sick little munchkins getting freaked out, however, Justin came-to with a little guy who worshipped him as an idol hugging his arm, rubbing his chest and telling him it hurt less when you were sleeping. Justin ended up finally crying over what he had been through, and most of the staff were crying too. Justin was put back to bed and didn't want to see anyone. Mark said he and Gen were trying to respect that for him for a little while, but thought that seeing Sam might help, considering he had been there with him through the worst.

Justin wasn't sleeping when he got there, but he looked wrecked. His iPad was lying on his chest, and he had his earbuds in, probably listening to music to help him. It was his best form of therapy. When he saw Sam, he took the earbuds out. Sam gave him a soft smile and went over to sit on the side of his bed. "I love you, mate. I'm glad you could stay with us. The world wouldn't be the same without you."

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[breakablehearts]

The way Justin was crying, Sam was worried he was going to make himself sick. He didn't want to leave his side, but it was vital that he did briefly. He quickly went over to the door of the room and looked out to find Mark still pacing back and forth like he had been when Sam arrived. "Mark!" he called out, gesturing for his brother to come to the room. Mark didn't need to be asked twice before he was coming. Sam wanted to prepare his brother for this, but there was no chance for that. It was better to know what had happened than for Mark to worry about trying to guess what part of his son got an infection bad enough to cause septicaemia.

He just led Mark over to Justin. He put his hand gently on Justin's shoulder. "Justin, your dad's here. We're going to show him the cuts, okay? It's okay, you don't need to be scared. We'll get everything cleaned up and dressed, and get you some painkillers. I know it hurts, kiddo. It's going to be okay." Justin was understandably a mess, but now he had this breakthrough, they could put out all the stops to try to get him back on track. Sam met Mark's eyes with a silent warning to try to keep it together for now. He pulled the hem of the gown up again where it had fallen back over Justin's stomach after he lost his hold of it to hide his face in his hands.

[aussielawyer]

Mark didn't need any explanations of what was going on. He had a sick kid, it was inevitable there would be times that he just needed to get it, without needing everything spelled out. Justin was in tears. Not just crying, but those heartbreaking sobs that Mark had seen him locked in many times before. You never wanted your kid to get to the point where they were in that much pain and that upset they lost the ability to speak because they were crying so hard. Wishing it not to be was pointless when you had a child who had suffered as much as Justin had. He was going to have times where his mind made living just that bit too hard and he lost his footing. It didn't matter anymore who helped Justin have these breakthroughs in his illness during the dark times. Whether it was Mark, or Gen, or Sam, or James, or Nate, or Will... it just did not matter, so long as someone was there to catch him when he fell. This time, it had been Sam, and as angry as Mark had been at himself and let the anger be misdirected to his twin, now, he was so fucking grateful Sam had run to Justin's aid as soon as he heard something terrible was happening.

Seeing the cuts on Justin's stomach and thighs, Mark's breath caught in his throat in a sharp gasp that he couldn't stop. This was it. Justin had been self-harming again, the cuts on his stomach were clearly terribly infected. Mark had been thinking Justin hadn't self-harmed in a long time, but really, it just meant there had been no sign of it. Some parents might zero right in on the wounds and fly off the handle about how terrible they looked. Mark wasn't your general parent. He was one who had been to hell and back with his kid more than once. "Justin? It's okay, son. Come here," he said softly, gently prying Justin's hand from his face so he could fold his son in a tender hug. "I love you. Look at me. I'm okay. I'm not going to have a heart attack. You can talk to me. You can talk to me about anything."