"Now my heart awakes to the sound of silence."

[dontcomebackforme]

Who: Nathan Mitchell and Liam Morgan
What: Wisdom of trauma
Where: Mount Sinai cafeteria, NYC
When: Friday evening

Nathan did less eating and more thinking on his breaks these days. The job he did, he needed his downtime to switch off and regroup, especially on the busier and harder days. He was sitting at a small table alone in the cafeteria on his break in the middle of his shift. His phone was sitting on the table with a black screen beside his cup of coffee that he was staring into as he stirred the milk and sugar into it slowly. A plate sat nearby with a half-eaten salad sandwich. He didn't have much of an appetite tonight. Some shifts were just so busy that by the time you got a break, you were too exhausted to eat.

He had his head propped up on his hand and he was a million miles away that he jumped when he was suddenly not alone at the table. His hand went to his chest when he got a fright, finding Liam now sitting across from him in his scrubs and white lab coat over the top. Lab coat meant he hadn't just come out of surgery, he had either been doing rounds or consulting in the ER. Nate groaned. "No. No more trauma cases tonight. We've had six in the last two and half hours. The world just needs to settle the fuck down and give us doctors a breather." He was only joking, of course. Unless they were literally packed to the rafters and had to turn patients over to another hospital, he wouldn't just turn cases down because he was tired.

Comments

[wannabesurgeon]

Liam held his hands up. "Sorry, sorry. I didn't meant to give you a fright. I've been trying to catch you for the better part of a week, but our rosters clashed completely. If you're not in the mood for company, I can come back another time. This is probably not the best topic for work anyway, in hindsight," he mumbled, raking his fingers through his hair. It was a stress habit. Lately, he felt like he was always stressed. It was saying something when he came to work for relief from the stress when he was a trauma surgeon. He knew how to work on fixing other people's pain, not his own.

"You look exhausted. No change on Jeremy?" Liam knew Nate's brother-in-law had been in the brain injury unit unconscious again. No one knew exactly what happened, but Jeremy had pressure on the brain where the initial injury was and he hadn't been doing well. There hadn't been surgical intervention, so Liam wasn't involved. All he knew was that Nate looked exhausted... and old for his age, like he was suddenly wearing all his emotions on his face, with no way to hide them. "You don't need my shit," he realised.

[dontcomebackforme]

"Hey, don't be stupid. It's fine. Just one of those times I feel like I've hit the wall. We've all been there," Nate explained. Liam was a relatively newly qualified doctor, but all doctors needed downtime when they began to feel like they might be heading for burnout. Liam and Richie qualified at the same time, and came into the hospital on the same new Resident rotation; Liam with his Surgical Residency, and Richie with Pediatrics. Nate knew Richie was having a hard time lately. Normally, he had been quite open with Nate in debriefing, but he had shut down for some reason and ended up hurt. It had just been a stressful time all around.

He shook his head. "Little change. It's just a waiting game. At least Ty has settled down. I was expecting him to have a complete relapse and end up completing this time. He's doing really well, all things considered." He looked at Liam while he took a sip of his coffee. "Tell me your shit. I don't mind helping with people's shit, you know that. What's up?"

[wannabesurgeon]

Liam nodded knowingly at that. He was feeling a lot like he had hit a wall himself. Or maybe he should do that to knock some clear-thinking sense into himself. His brain felt like it was incapable of figuring anything out right now. He respected Nathan more than he had words to describe. He was an incredible pediatrician, wonderful with all his patients. His bedside manner made him perfect to be mentoring younger residents. Liam trusted him, even if they didn't work directly together. It only happened if Liam had a trauma patient post-op who ended up in Nate's PICU.

"I just, um... can I..." He stopped, clearing his throat. He sounded like an idiot. "You and Tyler are married now, despite everything. I guess I just, um... I wanted to know how he went re-adjusting to sex. Was it a huge thing for him, or was it a bit better because he trusted you from before? I just... need to talk to someone who has cared for someone... well, someone like me. But you don't have to talk to me about any of it. I don't want you to think you have to. It's a really private thing, I know. I really know."

[dontcomebackforme]

While Liam was awkwardly stumbling over his words here, desperately seeking advice, all Nathan could do was give him a faint smile and shake his head. "Ty and I don't have sex, dude. We haven't since the morning of the night he got raped. He's only talked a little about it, and seemed to be wondering if he should try, but he's never quite gotten over that hurdle. I don't mind talking to you about any of this, Li. You have to get help wherever you're comfortable. But that's the honest truth of it. Tyler and I aren't intimate in that way, and I just take care of business myself."

After a moment or two, he continued. "I heard Damien was back and what happened with Miles. It's understandable all that will be stirring up these feelings for you, but you need to keep your own feelings about the rape at the forefront because you'll hoodwink yourself into emotional territory you're not prepared for. What you went through was a vicious and violent assault on your body that completely violated you. You might never feel ready again."