"With all this baggage in me."

[keytomylife]

Who: Miles Morrison and Tristan Hewitt
What: Heart-to-Heart
Where: Tristan's villa, French Riviera
When: Thursday evening, after this

It was strange, but sitting down to talk about their baggage didn't feel confrontational to Miles. Normal it probably would, but Tristan had this inner peace to him. Tristan had been entirely honest with Miles that he was a practising Buddhist, and Miles had asked him about that. At that point, Tristan had said his decision to convert to Buddhism was a result of some difficult times he faced in his life. There had been no elaboration of that at the time, because they had been talking about Miles' feelings having been dumped by Liam. It had been cathartic for Miles too. Maybe this was exactly what he needed.

But not Tristan had offered to talk to Miles about his baggage in return. That was a special thing, and Miles wasn't going to turn it down. He wanted to know more about Tristan. More than the fact that Miles was an expert in the fashion industry and used to be a lucrative male supermodel. That wasn't really baggage. So, what in Tristan't life had turned him to Buddhism to find peace? Miles knew he was about to find out.

Tristan's villa here in the French Riviera was incredible. It was luxurious and peaceful. They had stopped here for a few days in the middle of Tristan's business commitments in Paris and Milan. It was a bit of a whirlwind, but Miles wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. They were seated close together on the edge of the sprawling pool with their feet dangling in the water while they sipped cocktails made my a personal barman Tristan had employed for their stay. It was like staying in a five star hotel... maybe even six stars. He took a sip from his drink and set the glass down beside him.

"So, was the baggage a miserably embarrassing break-up like mine was? Or something much more serious?" he asked, turning to meet Tristan's gaze. He had amazing eyes, and felt like he was looking right into Miles' soul. Maybe he was.

Comments

[everythingdesigner]

It was a beautiful night, and this was one of Tristan's most favourite places on earth. It always offered an escape from the grind, and it had the luxury he had become accustomed too in having a career as successful as his was. "You're embarrassed by your break-up? You don't have to be embarrassed by it. I'm not judging you for it, and no one who cares about you will. Most know what Liam's been through, no one will be thinking you did anything to act as a catalyst to this. I've had a couple of break-ups that have been miserable, though, yes. Which is why I always told myself that if something wasn't working it, it was okay to walk away peacefully and cut out losses."

"I would say something more dangerous to my life," he began. He wasn't going to make Miles drag this out of him little bit little. Miles wanted to know, and part of the way Tristan come to deal with his past was by owning what had happened to him once he had escaped it. "Many know I retired from modelling, but it was never truly made public about why. I fell very ill with bulimia, and as a result, my life nearly came crashing down around me. I am how I am now because I prefer a peaceful existence. I had to teach myself how to be like this, though. The modelling life, it sucked the soul out of me."

[keytomylife]

Tristan was easy to talk to. Miles didn't feel guilty discussing his private life because Tristan had invited him into the conversations because he was interested and he cared. It was nice. "I just feel stupid for not seeing it coming. I did truly love him. So much. I was okay with his past, and I was okay taking things at the pace he needed. We still had something kind and sweet, I was just lulled into a false sense of security. We've been talking, though. I hope we can sort it out and not completely lose our friendship. Maybe I need to look at it like you have with your relationships."

He was looking Tristan over without meaning too, finding himself hunting for signs of the illness. Tristan was the picture of impeccable health. He was stunning. He had an amazing body, he was fit and healthy. It was hard to believe he had fallen victim to an awful illness like that. "Are you... you've recovered okay? Or does it still bother you? How bad did you get?" he asked, concern written all over his face.

[everythingdesigner]

Tristan wrapped his arm around Miles' shoulder and gave him a gentle kiss on his temple. "From what you have told me, it sounds like it wasn't coming right until it happened. I won't let you call yourself stupid. You're far from it. There is plenty of stupid in this world, and you're not part of it. People's trauma can often be difficult to acclimatise with another person. It is why relationships often crumble. It is not because someone didn't understand the trauma, but because the other person is still working through it. I don't think you or Liam were at fault with this. It sounds like he is still searching. I know it hurts, love. But you're entitled to look for it again with someone else."

"We generally always think of ourselves as 'recovering'. You never do quite completely escape the demons. Which is a lot of how I found peace in the Buddhist teachings. I found a lot of understanding and it helped me recover. Because of that, I wish to keep adhering to them for the rest of my life. I still struggle with it now and again. Partaking in a large business dinner with a ridiculous amount of courses you have to eat to be polite. That urge to go to the bathroom and get rid of it is still there. I got very bad. I was hospitalised and then admitted to a treatment clinic. It took a long time to regain weight to a healthy level. I still see a therapist to try to stay on top of it. I still slip occasionally, but if I do, I try to reach out for help. There was a lot of pain hidden behind those glamorous model shots."

[keytomylife]

Miles was watching their feet sweet through the crisp aqua water with the backlight from beneath the surface. This was giving him a good chance to step back and look at the whole situation with a level head, which he hadn't been doing until now. Tristan spoke such wisdom and it was giving Miles a different way of looking at everything. He needed that. He looked back to Tristan, searching his eyes. "Is that what you're looking for? Or do the Buddhist teachings of nothing being permanent go for relationships too? Because I'm really enjoying your company, but I don't want to get led on if you see relationships in a completely different light to what I do. I think if I'm going to try again, it needs to be with someone on the same page as me. I tried the different page thing, and look how that turned out. Not sure my heart can take more of that any time soon," he confessed softly.

He nodded, listening to the ways Tristan was gradually explaining is illness. He may have a lot of inner peace, but Miles was a nurse. He understood how hard battling an illness was. He understood mental illness too, because he had lost his dad to it. Tristan seemed to have it all together, but he had vulnerability just like everyone did. It was just a very private struggle. And why shouldn't it be? The world didn't have to be included in this. It wasn't lost on Miles how poignant it was that Tristan was opening up to him. "When was the last time you did it?" he asked, wanting to understand. "Can I help with anything if it happens?"