Zed Blaze (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
zedblaze) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2015-11-22 09:57 pm
zedblaze) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2015-11-22 09:57 pm
Entry tags:
@ muserevival | 108.2. Quotes
HERE @ muserevival
"The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege." - Charles Kuralt
Beyond out on a cold and rainy night likely wasn't the best idea, but Zoran wanted to go see his parents. He had assured Caleb he would only go overnight and he was in good hands. It was just something he needed to do right now. Jax was heading home after seeing the IV, so he was going to drive Zoran the just under an hour's drive to Dobbs Ferry and the next morning, Caleb would come to pick him up.
Using the key had in his possession since the first week he was in New York, Zoran let himself into the backdoor in the kitchen. "Mom, Dad?" he called out. It wasn't late, but he knew one of them would be home.
"Zed?" his foster mom, Heather, said as she appeared in the kitchen in a hurry. The concern was evident in her voice and she came right over to him, pulling him into a gentle hug. "What's the matter sweetheart? What's happened? You should be in bed. It's so cold outside, you're shivering." She closed the door behind him and ushered him into the living room so she could bundle him up in a blanket.
"What hasn't happened?" Zoran had to mumur with a wry smile. "I'm okay. I just wanted to see you. Am I interrupting anything for you?"
"Never," Heather replied firmly. She sat beside him, rubbing at his back through the blanket while her other hand was busy sweeping his hair back out of his face so she could get a good look at his face. "You've lost weight, darling. I've been worried sick about you. Dad got stuck at work late. This is so far for you to come so late, you should be tucked up in bed resting. I could've come down to you."
Unexpectedly for him, Zoran hit with a feeling like he wanted to cry and he wasn't even sure why. Seeing his foster mom, who had become more than his real mom ever had been to him, everything started to fall away inside him and he had an overwhelming urge to tell her everything. He had simply wanted to see her, like many kids wanted their mom or dad when things were hurting, no matter how old. But now he was here, he wasn't sure he wanted to keep the masks up anymore. "Mom, can I tell you something?" he asked, tearing up.
Seeing the tears well up and spill over, Heather brushed them away with her thumb. "Aw, sweetie. You can tell me anything. It's okay." She kissed his head, holding him protectively while he was getting upset.
Zoran's family knew the latest developments. They knew about his HIV exposure, they knew Caleb was here and he was someone from Zoran's past. They knew he was sick with the PEP, and they knew he was going through a lot of emotional things. Through it all, they had reminded him over and over they were here for him, without pushing him to talk about anything he wasn't ready to. But his issues were like an iceberg, and all they could see was the tip of it. He had been harbouring a fear that if he came clean to them about his past, he might lose them. "I'm not the person you think I am."
"Do you want to tell me who you are?" Heather asked softly, coming to rhythmically stroke his hair.
"I don't know if I can," Zoran admitted from where he had come to be cuddled in against his mom's side while she issued as much motherly comfort as he was needing right now. He was too weary and drained to be outright sobbing, but he was emotional and there was no holding the tears back. Usually, he was busy bottle everything up, but lately, that was harder than ever.
For this, Zoran received a mom kiss to the top of his head. "Maybe you could try to tell me some little pieces of who you really are?"
Still tucked into the hug, Zoran frowned. Little pieces? All he had been thinking of was the huge, overwhelming big picture. The iceberg under the tip. "My name's not Zed..." he stared quietly, trying to fight back the tears he had let fall. And it was just the start. One tiny little chip away at the mountain that was hidden behind all the masks, and it all started to pour out of him.
His real name was that first small leap he had to take off the cliff, and once he did, there was no going back. Sitting there with his mom's arms around him, he told her everything. The whole history of the abuse he had suffered, how his mother and sisters wanted nothing to do with him after he 'chose' his dad. Everything about Caleb, and the crippling pain he had suffered losing his best friend and the first person he had ever fallen in love with. How the alcoholism with his father got worse and worse, and the worse it got, the more violent he became. How he had been terrified every breathing moment that his dad would go too far and kill, and no one would know or care. How many times he considered taking his own life just to escape. Witnessing his father murdering that woman in a violent rage, and what he went through being put into Witness Protection. The faked suicide, changing his name, changing how he talked, dying his hair, changing his appearance, getting tattoos.
There was no stopping the sobbing by the time he got to the part these past couple of days where he had been told his father had been murdered, and he had to go identify the body. No one had said anything, but he had been able to connect the dots to know it had to have been a violent enough murder to not have any other means of identification. They wouldn't let him see his father's face. Now he had the few belongings his father had on him, and would be contacted when the body could be released so he could decide what he wanted to do with it.
Not once did his mom stop holding him. Not once did she judge him. Not once did she ask stupid questions, or ask why to any of it. She just held him, and she kept stroking his hair and listening. At that moment in time, that was exactly what Zoran needed. It took the last sliver of strength and energy he had to get through all this, and somehow came to be crying with his head in his mom's lap... and soon fell asleep there.
He didn't know he left his poor mom emotionally drained too, shocked and trying to keep herself together. And he didn't know when she gently took his phone from his pocket and found Caleb's number in there. From her own phone, she texted him in a simple message, knowing in her heart there was someone else as much as Zoran needed as his mom and dad right now.
Caleb, sweetheart, this is Zoran's mom, Heather. I think it might be a good idea if you come up here to stay with us for a few days. Neither of you need to be alone right now.
Putting the phone down on the arm rest beside her, Heather pulled the blanket up over Zoran and tucked it in around him while he slept in her lap. She would sit here all week hold him if she had to, and somehow as a family - including Caleb - they could figure out together how to help Zoran through this.
muserevival"The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege." - Charles Kuralt
Beyond out on a cold and rainy night likely wasn't the best idea, but Zoran wanted to go see his parents. He had assured Caleb he would only go overnight and he was in good hands. It was just something he needed to do right now. Jax was heading home after seeing the IV, so he was going to drive Zoran the just under an hour's drive to Dobbs Ferry and the next morning, Caleb would come to pick him up.
Using the key had in his possession since the first week he was in New York, Zoran let himself into the backdoor in the kitchen. "Mom, Dad?" he called out. It wasn't late, but he knew one of them would be home.
"Zed?" his foster mom, Heather, said as she appeared in the kitchen in a hurry. The concern was evident in her voice and she came right over to him, pulling him into a gentle hug. "What's the matter sweetheart? What's happened? You should be in bed. It's so cold outside, you're shivering." She closed the door behind him and ushered him into the living room so she could bundle him up in a blanket.
"What hasn't happened?" Zoran had to mumur with a wry smile. "I'm okay. I just wanted to see you. Am I interrupting anything for you?"
"Never," Heather replied firmly. She sat beside him, rubbing at his back through the blanket while her other hand was busy sweeping his hair back out of his face so she could get a good look at his face. "You've lost weight, darling. I've been worried sick about you. Dad got stuck at work late. This is so far for you to come so late, you should be tucked up in bed resting. I could've come down to you."
Unexpectedly for him, Zoran hit with a feeling like he wanted to cry and he wasn't even sure why. Seeing his foster mom, who had become more than his real mom ever had been to him, everything started to fall away inside him and he had an overwhelming urge to tell her everything. He had simply wanted to see her, like many kids wanted their mom or dad when things were hurting, no matter how old. But now he was here, he wasn't sure he wanted to keep the masks up anymore. "Mom, can I tell you something?" he asked, tearing up.
Seeing the tears well up and spill over, Heather brushed them away with her thumb. "Aw, sweetie. You can tell me anything. It's okay." She kissed his head, holding him protectively while he was getting upset.
Zoran's family knew the latest developments. They knew about his HIV exposure, they knew Caleb was here and he was someone from Zoran's past. They knew he was sick with the PEP, and they knew he was going through a lot of emotional things. Through it all, they had reminded him over and over they were here for him, without pushing him to talk about anything he wasn't ready to. But his issues were like an iceberg, and all they could see was the tip of it. He had been harbouring a fear that if he came clean to them about his past, he might lose them. "I'm not the person you think I am."
"Do you want to tell me who you are?" Heather asked softly, coming to rhythmically stroke his hair.
"I don't know if I can," Zoran admitted from where he had come to be cuddled in against his mom's side while she issued as much motherly comfort as he was needing right now. He was too weary and drained to be outright sobbing, but he was emotional and there was no holding the tears back. Usually, he was busy bottle everything up, but lately, that was harder than ever.
For this, Zoran received a mom kiss to the top of his head. "Maybe you could try to tell me some little pieces of who you really are?"
Still tucked into the hug, Zoran frowned. Little pieces? All he had been thinking of was the huge, overwhelming big picture. The iceberg under the tip. "My name's not Zed..." he stared quietly, trying to fight back the tears he had let fall. And it was just the start. One tiny little chip away at the mountain that was hidden behind all the masks, and it all started to pour out of him.
His real name was that first small leap he had to take off the cliff, and once he did, there was no going back. Sitting there with his mom's arms around him, he told her everything. The whole history of the abuse he had suffered, how his mother and sisters wanted nothing to do with him after he 'chose' his dad. Everything about Caleb, and the crippling pain he had suffered losing his best friend and the first person he had ever fallen in love with. How the alcoholism with his father got worse and worse, and the worse it got, the more violent he became. How he had been terrified every breathing moment that his dad would go too far and kill, and no one would know or care. How many times he considered taking his own life just to escape. Witnessing his father murdering that woman in a violent rage, and what he went through being put into Witness Protection. The faked suicide, changing his name, changing how he talked, dying his hair, changing his appearance, getting tattoos.
There was no stopping the sobbing by the time he got to the part these past couple of days where he had been told his father had been murdered, and he had to go identify the body. No one had said anything, but he had been able to connect the dots to know it had to have been a violent enough murder to not have any other means of identification. They wouldn't let him see his father's face. Now he had the few belongings his father had on him, and would be contacted when the body could be released so he could decide what he wanted to do with it.
Not once did his mom stop holding him. Not once did she judge him. Not once did she ask stupid questions, or ask why to any of it. She just held him, and she kept stroking his hair and listening. At that moment in time, that was exactly what Zoran needed. It took the last sliver of strength and energy he had to get through all this, and somehow came to be crying with his head in his mom's lap... and soon fell asleep there.
He didn't know he left his poor mom emotionally drained too, shocked and trying to keep herself together. And he didn't know when she gently took his phone from his pocket and found Caleb's number in there. From her own phone, she texted him in a simple message, knowing in her heart there was someone else as much as Zoran needed as his mom and dad right now.
Caleb, sweetheart, this is Zoran's mom, Heather. I think it might be a good idea if you come up here to stay with us for a few days. Neither of you need to be alone right now.
Putting the phone down on the arm rest beside her, Heather pulled the blanket up over Zoran and tucked it in around him while he slept in her lap. She would sit here all week hold him if she had to, and somehow as a family - including Caleb - they could figure out together how to help Zoran through this.