"I'll sleep when I'm dead."

[thankfuckforlife]

Who: Richie and Karla Jameson
What: Mommas being mommas
Where: Heading home
When: Thursday evening

It had been about halfway into his shift that Richie started to feel off-colour. It wasn't the sort of off-colour he had with a bleed. There had been a handful of those lately, but generally it had eased and sorted itself again. This was the sort of slightly feverish, tired, achiness that started after his dinner break. Later, he had just finished his rounds when he was standing at the nurses' station updating the next shift of nurses on the orders he had for his patients. He got one of those sort of warning feelings in his gut that he felt like he was going to be sick. He tried to ignore it and keep going, but it wasn't going to be ignored.

No one liked puking at work. He made it to the staff bathroom, so it wasn't anything hugely mortifying but because he had made the mad-dash in front of the team, Nate sat him down in a no-nonsense way when he came out and told him he was going home early. Richie tried to protest, but Nate wasn't the sort to take shit. He cared about the welfare of his colleagues, and he was Richie's supervisor. Once again, Adrian was out of town on business, Jeff was... somewhere doing Jeff shit that Richie had no idea of lately, which left his mom.

Nate was in Serious Business Boss Mode, and offered to call Richie's mom to come pick him up from work. Again, Richie tried to protest but soon reluctantly relinquished the protests. Nate called his mom and told Richie to go lie down in the Doctors' Lounge until she arrived. He was feeling a bit shivery and hot at the same time, and when his mom arrived, he was peeling his way out of his jacket he had put on to wait for him. "I feel like I'm back in school," he lamented.

Comments

[livingforlife]

“No, I can understand that,” Karla said, giving Richie a nod. It wasn’t the best footing to start things off with in a relationship, but maybe there was a benefit to seeing the worst in the early days. There was nothing like sickness and rough times to really show you what someone was made of, and so far, Adrian had proven to be sweet, understanding, and loving when it came to Richie’s illness. He didn’t seem to see it as a reason to back out of the relationship. In fact, she’d been impressed beyond measure at how tenderly and sweetly Adrian had looked after Richie, even going so far as to fly her in to be there for him because he’d never had to be sick without his mother. “But sometimes, I think starting things off in the midst of a rough time really shows you what things are made of right up.” Maybe she couldn’t really be sure of that, since it had been so long since she’d had a relationship of any kind romantically, but she knew what she saw in Adrian’s eyes when he looked at Richie. She knew that there was love and an intense connection there, and though Richie feared that he would prove to be too much of a pain in the ass, Karla didn’t get that feeling at all.

It was a strange change of roles in some way… her son giving her this sort of advice. But it was just a testament to how close they’d always been, and how much Richie cared for her and wanted her to be happy. The two of them had been together through thick and thin, seeing each other through a lot of things, but Richie had never seen Karla date, because she hadn’t. Dating made her nervous… No, nervous wasn’t really the word. Richie had hit the nail on the head. Karla was scared. Dating came with sex and sex came with facing things she hadn’t been able to face in over twenty years. She loved Richie, and she was incredibly grateful that he was in her life, but the way he’d been conceived would never stop be a traumatizing memory for her. It was hard to associate sex with love, and intimacy, and feeling good after what had been done to her. But she knew deep down that it was. She hadn’t been a virgin the night she was raped. She’d had good sex before, in the long ago past that felt like another world… another Karla. “Have I ever told you how proud I am of you?” she finally said to her son. “You’re so wise for someone so young. I know sweetie. I do. I’m terrified, but I like Carter. I think I’m… Letting myself want things with him that I didn’t think I’d ever let myself want again. It’s just a lot to take in.”

[thankfuckforlife]

Richie had shoved his hand up under his scrubs shirt and was rubbing his stomach while he used the wall to keep him upright. He wasn't sure how he had gotten this far into his shift when he had started off feeling tired as it was. He had a full caseload too and he was still learning about case-planning, how to determine which patient took precedence, who he could delegate, and who he might need to refer for joint management if there was more than one diagnosis. He loved his job, and knew this was what he was made to do, but when you weren't well, it was exhausting and stressful. "I've got these horrible images of going to one of his business dinners and suddenly shooting blood all over the expensive people like some sort of horror movie. Sure, but not everyone randomly bleeds, and a lot, and is trying to date a movie-making superstar in the middle of it all. Which is okay. It is. I just don't want to keep disrupting him or being precious where he starts to think, shit, I can't get any work without him calling me up and bitching about being sick." Not that he did that. He was one of those people who minimised what he was going through because he didn't want people to think he was complaining.

"But is it really a lot to take in?" he asked when the elevator got to the ground floor with a ding. He pushed away from the wall when the doors swung open and he stepped out after his mom. "I mean, it only has to be a lot if you make it a lot. Dating someone's really pretty simple. If you find someone who matches you, anyway. If it turns bad, it's not simple and it hurts. But you're not a teenager or anything. I don't think Carter's going to run around cheating on you with people online and calling you a bitch behind your back all over social media. You've both got grown up kids, you both work, and you're both nice people. Is it really a lot to take in, or is it how easy it seems that is scaring you?"

[livingforlife]

"You make it sound like a scene out of Carrie," Karla replied, shaking her head. But she knew that this was all because Richie did care so deeply for Adrian. He didn't want to screw this up or hurt this person that he'd fallen for by somehow damaging his career or just generally being a pain in the ass, but Karla knew that Adrian didn't see Richie as a pain in the ass. He loved him. He wanted to look after him. "It's not being precious when you're really sick. And we both know that you're the least likely to be bitching about being sick. Hell, if it weren't for the fact that your boss called me, I wouldn't have known you were sick at all. You're not a whiner, baby. We all know that." He was her baby, and she just couldn't resist momming him along the way when he needed it. He would whine to Karla if he really needed to have a whine, but even that wasn't the most common thing. He didn't like it. It wasn't his way, but when he did, he knew that Karla was a safe person to get his whine on with.

Karla looked at her son, arching an eyebrow at how easily and quickly he'd found the root of the problem here. She hadn't even truly come to the conclusion herself, but Richie had, and now she was just staring at him in surprise. "I... Think that's exactly it," she confessed. "I think it's how easy it is that terrifies me. He's so kind and easy to talk to. It seems like nothing should be that easy, and if I get too comfortable with it, it's sure to blow up in my face. That probably sounds stupid. But Carter's wonderful. He's handsome and charming, but not the kind of charming when you know he's trying to charm you. The kind of charming where he's just genuinely sweet and it makes you like being around him. He's been through a lot himself, and he talks about it... Makes me feel like it's okay to talk about the things I've been through, too."

[thankfuckforlife]

"It could be," Richie pointed out. Maybe there was a touch of drama queen happening here because he was sick, but in all honesty, some of the worst bleeds he had since his diagnosis had been a pretty horrific sight. That first time, there was blood everywhere and he had been terrified. He nearly screamed the whole place down. The whole throwing up blood was a horrible thing to experience and to see, for anyone who was around him. His condition was quite controlled, though. And if he had flare ups of it, there were other regimes in order for emergency treatment that helped him. "I'm just still not quite sure why he wants me, out of all the people in the world he could have. He's bi, so that sort of doubles the ratio of options too. Not that I'm saying I'm a bad person. I'm not. I've been raised better than that, but I think I'm just average, in general."

He shrugged a little. "I realise this is going to sound epic hypocritical considering what I'm worrying about myself, but don't overthink it, Mom. If it's all that easy and feels right, just roll with it. Just enjoy it. If he seems like a nice guy, chances are, he is one. He might be lonely too. I think that's what it's all about. If you can talk, and there's no one being passive-aggressive or self-centred, then it means there's some chemistry there. But if you don't just go for it, you might lose the chance. Don't forget, he probably quite the eligible bachelor, all things considered. But you're the one he's comfortable talking to."

[livingforlife]

Karla was more than used to Richie's drama queen side. She'd been his mom a long time now, and he'd had that drama queen streak since he was tiny. She could still remember more than one argument dominated by his baby sassy bitch, and it had definitely been no surprise when he'd gotten older and come out. "It could be, but the likelihood is pretty low," Karla countered. "I could stand here and list off about a million reasons he'd want you out of all people, but you'd just roll your eyes and give me that 'Mooooom' look that you give me, so I'll save my breath. But that being said, baby, he's already chosen you. Out of everyone in the world, he's chosen you. He doesn't care about his options. You're the only option he wants, so clearly you're above average to him."

"He's lovely. Being around him is nice, and he's been nothing but easy to talk to. I'm enjoying it. He isn't passive aggressive or self-centered at all. He's actually wonderful, and I can't deny the chemistry. On our first date, he told me I was beautiful. Not that I looked nice, but that I'm beautiful. I don't want to lose the chance with him. He's lovely. He's the first guy I've met in... decades, really, that I could honestly say I could see myself with for the long term."

[thankfuckforlife]

"This whole me and him is out of a very low likelihood. People like him don't usually just stumble across people like me and something amazing spark from it. I'm just really aware of that. I'm not saying he's too good for me. I don't think that. Because if not me, someone else out there would have him, and they can kiss my ass because he's mine." So, there was most certainly a possessive streak in Richie when it came to Adrian. He couldn't help it. He hadn't ever really felt like that in a relationship before, so it was a sign this time, it was a lot more special than the other times. Which would make sense, seeing as the other times all failed. Not that he was the one being dumped all the time, he had ended a couple of relationships himself because he didn't get that nervous thrill in his belly that he couldn't label but seemed a big deciding factor. He had that with Adrian, and he felt it that first night at Adrian's apartment when they shared their first kiss that turned into some incredibly hot sex.

He was listening to his mom and he was about to reply when he broke into a pretty intense sneezing fit when they got outside and cool air hit him. In fact, he sneezed so much he started to dry heave and he was leaning over trying to catch his breath and decide if he was about throw up again. Not a good look for a doctor in scrubs to be standing out there looking like he was infected with the plague himself. He stood up again, holding his hand up. "False ala--" he began but cut himself off with three more sneezes. He found a pack of Kleenex in his bag and took some out to wipe his eyes and nose. "It's the little things, Momma. The little things people take for granted and don't realise are special until it's all gone. The little things make up the big things. But if the little things keep going real nice, sex is kind of inevitable."

[livingforlife]

Karla couldn't help smirking just a little at that possessive side of her son. He was definitely head over for Adrian, and it was really sweet to see. "Anyone who's seen the way he looks at you wouldn't question for a minute that he's yours, sweetie," Karla told him, kissing the top of his head, something that hadn't gotten any harder for her to do since he'd become an adult. He'd never gotten to be very tall, which in a way, was kind of special for her as a mom. He was an adult, but he was still not too big for those comforting, mom things. "It's been really special for me to see you finding happiness with someone who loves and respects you as much as Adrian clearly does. Which is what you deserve, kiddo. I love him because it's clear how much he loves you, and I love seeing you treated the way you should be... loved up and happy. It's gorgeous, honey. And you deserve it."

It was clear that her boy was sick, and Karla hated seeing it... even more so when she worried about the possibility of bleeds, like what had happened when he was overseas with Adrian. "I think maybe you're just allergic to work," she teased him with a grin. "I know the little things are really what matter most, kiddo. And the little things with Carter have been so lovely. He's been so sweet and understanding, and incredibly open about his own experiences as a parent, and just in general. He's kind and generous, and I've honestly treasured all the time I've been able to spend with him. I don't want it to stop." She paused, thoughtful for a moment. "I think I could be okay having sex with him. Not that it isn't a little scary to take in, but... somehow he kind of makes that bit of it less scary."

[thankfuckforlife]

When you had your heartbroken, it wasn't always easy to think about trying the dating game again. Richie just hadn't wanted to get involved again. He had thought he was cool with that. He loved his job, he had a lot of friends. He wasn't sure he could have considered himself 'looking'. Which is exactly when Adrian had just come into his life, and without a single iota of romantic intent. It had been innocent intentions and neither of them had been setting out to find a date that night. Even once they started talking, that intent wasn't there. The spark had come a little later in the evening when Richie caught himself just gazing at Adrian as he talked. Then he had caught Adrian doing the same back to him, and it was a heated kiss that had started everything. Neither of them was the 'instigator'. It happened naturally, they both wanted it and it turned into a pretty intense night of passion once it became obvious there was a lot of physical attraction and arousal that had sparked between them. "He just feels nice. He gives amazing cuddles. I've never had that sort of, I don't know, physical connection. Not on this level. He just one of the sweetest people I've ever met. That's not the rose-coloured horny glasses talking either. He's sweet with everyone, not just me, and that's really, really hot to me."

The sneezing left him sounding congested and his throat was really starting to feel like he had swallowed glass. He was glad when a cab pulled up for them because he wanted to be somewhere warm and comfortable right now, maybe with a cup of tea and a hot water bottle, because all those sorts of things couldn't hurt when you were feeling shitty. "Just when I was getting used to the pay cheque too," he joked, climbing into the cab and scooting across to the other side. "You're swapping parent stories. Holy shit, poor dude having that inflicted on him. I'm still waiting for grandpa to start spilling all my embarrassing secrets to Adrian. Mom, rape is scary. Sex isn't. I mean, crap sex can be borderline scary and you wonder why you wasted those life minutes, but good sex feels really great when it's with someone special."

[livingforlife]

"I just remember after the last relationship, how much that broke your heart. But Adrian felt different to me from day one. Granted, he sort of won me over from the start when he brought me across an ocean to be with you when you were sick. At that point, I was pretty much sold. And I saw how he interacted, not only with you, but with the doctors and nurses who were caring for you, and he was incredibly kind and polite. Even though he was worried about you, he was never short or snappy with anyone. That, in and of itself, says a lot to me, both as a mom, and as a medical professional. How you treat the people caring for your loved ones says a lot about your character." She meant that, too. She was incredibly grateful that a guy like Adrian had walked into Richie's life when he did, totally unexpectedly. If it had been set up as a date, Richie probably wouldn't have gone through with it, afraid to get back into the dating game. But as it had happened, it hadn't been something that Richie could preempt and put a stop to before it happened. And that was probably precisely how it had managed to work out for them. "I know you're not seeing through rose-colored horny glasses, for the record, too. You love him. He's not just a fuck buddy."

Karla crawled into the car behind Richie, snapping into her seatbelt before she gave the driver the address to her house. It would be a pricey cab fare, but she didn't care. It was most important to her to get Richie home as quickly as possible and get him off to bed for a good rest, which he very clearly needed. "It's really too bad," she joked back. "We're going to have to give you a more hypoallergenic job, clearly." She shook her head, but took Richie's teasing with a grain of salt. "Yes. That's what old people do. Swap parenting stories. Oh, he'll get to. Just you wait. Grandpa never misses a good chance to tell your embarrassing secrets. Or show off nudie pics. But honestly, I'm not afraid that Carter would hurt me. I know he wouldn't. I'm a pretty good judge of character. I just... Haven't been that intimate with someone in so long that I'm not sure... I don't know. It's a change. A big one. And probably a good one, but it's still a shake up."

[thankfuckforlife]

Richie nodded because he couldn't argue with that. "Sure, but maybe this is one of those situations where I was put through hell to know exactly how to adore and appreciate my true love when he finally stumbled across my path. No one's life is perfectly balanced. I tried the love thing before, and it was wrong for me. I wish I had seen it sooner to I didn't waste as much time on it as I did, but it's a new start now. There is nothing like this with Adrian than it was with my asshole ex. He's just in a different realm. Right from the first moment I met him outside that auction, he just felt right. Not that I immediately took him at face value. I was really hesitant and thought he was playing at something. Then I discovered he wasn't. At all. He was going to respectfully walk away. And yeah, I know we slept together the first night I met him, but it wasn't some sordid one night stand. We talked for hours first, and it was just a natural spark. It felt right. It still feels right. Sometimes great sex just automatically goes hand-in-hand with an amazing person. Hell, that's probably why the sex was great."

He was shivering and leaned forward to the driver. "Do you mind turning the heat up a little. If it's not too much of a pain in the butt." Thankfully the driver was obliging and told Richie it was no bother. Sometimes, you could get cab drivers who were angry bastards where everything was a goddamn effort. "If all goes according to plan, I'm going to chug OJ all night and wake up tomorrow feeling perfectly fine. It doesn't really have to be a change or a shake up, Momma. Maybe it can just be something really, really nice that happens naturally and makes you feel good?"

[livingforlife]

“I guess ultimately happiness isn’t quite as strong when you have nothing to compare it to,” Karla admitted. “When you’ve been heartbroken and at the end of your rope, there is no limit to the incredible amount of happiness that you can feel, and how much more you feel it because you can compare it to something that doesn’t feel amazing.” If she were honest with herself, that’s what she was feeling with Carter. The total opposite of the horrible things she’d felt in her life, of which there were many: being raped, suffering post-partum depression, the feeling of total disconnect looking her beautiful baby boy in the eyes, and fearing that almost every man she met for the first few years would harm her. Then there was Richie growing up, and not being able to talk to him about sex the way a “normal” parent would, but feeling the need to warn him about how awful some people could be and how they used sex for power and for harm. But things like seeing her baby boy growing into a beautiful man, becoming a doctor himself, those things were beautiful, and she treasured them that much more because of having been through the pain to get here. “I would really like to hope that’s true. Because if I have sex with Carter… When I have sex with Carter, I hope it feels as nice as it sounds like it is for you and Adrian.”

Karla gave the driver a small smile, grateful that he was being so accommodating for her sick kiddo. “I hope that’s how it works out. We have to get you rested up and well ASAP. But I think you’re right. It doesn’t have to be scary. Carter isn’t scary. He’s incredibly sweet and kind. I can’t believe sometimes that I’m actually dating someone as amazing as him.”

[thankfuckforlife]

"Unless you love being miserable, in which case, I guess you do everything in your power to avoid people making you happy in case they succeed and you don't have anything to moan about anymore," Richie said with a shrug. As much as he wish he hadn't, he had met people like that and they just made him wonder a great big WTF. They were also awkward to be around, because no matter what came out of your mouth, they always had some sort of problem. That was what he was worried he might sound like with Adrian, and it was stressing him out because he wasn't like that. He had a run of bad luck, and sometimes, his condition just flared up and there could be a few bleeds in a row until his body balanced itself again. That was just the way the wind blew with what he had. "I know being happy all the time isn't possible. Everyone has bad days, and everyone has even worse days than that. But with Adrian, my worse days, he's wanted to be there for me and I worry it's made him feel obligated. I don't know. Maybe my brain is just too full of snot to think rationally. Oh, we've upgraded to when, have we?" he asked in amusement.

"You know what I learned yesterday? The Beaumont Unit in the kids' ward for children with progressive diseases is named after Carter and his family because they funded the whole unit to be launched at our hospital. It was some multi-million dollar project initially and now kids from all over the country come there to have their treatment, a lot of which is developed by his company, to try to slow the progression of what they have. It's got everything from Musical and Art Therapists to experimental child psychology programs. I had no idea it was them until Nate told me when I mentioned to him you were dating Carter. There's a six degrees of separation thing there. Nate's husband was raped by the same cunt who raped Harley's cousin, Liam," he explained.