Aimee Gordon (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
angelstandingby) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2013-07-25 11:20 pm
angelstandingby) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2013-07-25 11:20 pm
Entry tags:
"I'll stand by you."
Who: Aimee Gordon and Dave Tynan
What: Confessions
Where: Courtyard, Mount Sinai
When: Following THIS
Aimee was beyond freaked out watching Dave with that tragedy gone wrong. It wasn't the first time she had seen him in action, having observed one of his long surgeries after they first met but it was the first time they had a mutual case. One that had gone horribly wrong. Dave and his team hadn't even had time to get her open to assess any internal damage before she was crashing. The Obstetric team with Haley and Aimee hadn't even gotten deciding whether to C-Section the baby before she - a tiny little girl - died too. It was just one of those awful cases where the mother was probably trying to fight through her cancer without chemo just until her baby was delivered into the world. Then a horrific car crash made the decision for her and now they both lost their lives leaving a son and brother alone in the world without either of them.
There was nothing left for Obstetrics to do after that. Dave had walked out on the surgery and hadn't come back and Aimee was really worried about him. She went back to the ward with her team, going to the doctors' office with a heavy heart and deep confusion. After a few quick texts with a couple of their mutual friends at the hospital, and finding none of them had information about where Dave might be, Aimee was really at a loss. She sat there at the desk staring at her phone for all of thirty seconds, before she got up and decided that positive action was better than none at all. There was nothing pressing with work because she hadn't directly been involved as anything but an observer, and she just needed to find Dave to make sure he was okay.
She searched the obvious places and any staff areas he might be. He wasn't anywhere, and it was only a last-ditched effort when her text to him went unanswered that she decided to check outside. As soon as she spotted him sitting against a wall near one of the courtyards, she let out a heavy sigh of relief and hurried over to him. He had his knees drawn up and his head resting down on them, but she didn't hesitate in sitting down beside him and tucking her arm securely around him with a soft squeeze. She collected herself in her relief a little, biting back an urge to chastise him for running off because she knew it would just be out of fright and worry for him. It was just really out-of-character for any surgeon to walk from a surgery prematurely without a reason. She was just nervous what the reason migth be because he had an excellent reputation for being a top trauma surgeon and keeping a cool head, despite the difficulty of the case. It was his job. So why was this case any different? "Hey, you scared the hell out of me back there," she told him quietly and started to rub his back with small, soothing strokes.
Dave lifted his head and looked at Aimee apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm okay, I promise. I just..." His eyes fell closed again briefly and sighed softly himself. Her hand on his back actually felt really, really nice. He had lost track of how long he had been sitting there, but it didn't particularly matter. He couldn't have gotten up and gone back in there if he tried. He just needed the quiet for a bit longer. "If it's any consolation, I scared myself?" he added, even if it really wasn't going to be any consolation to her at all. In fact, it would probably just increase her concern ten-fold.
When Dave lifted his head to look at her, that was what caused her more concern than anything else. "You look terrible," she told him, pressing her hand over his forehead and cheeks to check for any fever. He was pale, though his cheeks were a little flushed and his eyes bloodshot like he hadn't slept in a week. He didn't feel feverish, just a little overheated from probably sitting out in the hot summer day. He was sweating heavily, and no protests came this time. He just let her continue with her fretful checking and she could feel his eyes on her face. She met his gaze, his face still cupped in her hand. "Look... sweetheart, I... I don't know what happened back there. It was like flicking a switch with you. I don't want to pry if you don't want to talk to me, but this is... something's wrong. I can tell. That patient did something to you, but I just don't know what it is. I'm just worried about you. I- are you sick? No? Did you... lose someone close to you to cancer?"
"It's me," Dave murmured and he closed his eyes again, letting his head drop down a little in defeat. He had wanted to tell her early on, but things had just been so amazing that he hadn't wanted to drag the mood down by bringing up a subject like cancer. Plus, it was a little hard for him to talk about in general. He liked to try to keep a positive mind and he had been enjoying getting right back on the job, and starting this new relationship. Life was good. But now this, it had dragged it all back to the forefront, and he couldn't leave Aimee in the dark. They were dating now, and she was special to him. Beyond special. She didn't deserve to not know. He wasn't going to lie to her. "I... had it. Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Nine months in remission and counting. I was sick for about eighteen months before that. I've been working on getting my life back on track when the cancer completely derailed it. I nearly didn't make it, and I had a really tough time with the chemo. My body didn't cope with it well. It's taken a lot to begin to feel alive again, if that makes sense. When I heard the patient had heart failure from the cancer, it was just... too much. It brought it all back."
Aimee felt a lot like someone had just tipped icy water down her back. For a long few moments, she just stared at him in shock, her blue eyes wide as she worked to absorb his confession. She was going to say something, but words failed her and she just rested her foreheard against his and held him, brushing her thumb back and forth across his arm. "It's okay," she whispered. "You're okay, I'm glad you're okay. Are you? The remission, it's... I know the odds, you still have to deal with that. I... I... I'm sorry. I want to say more, but I just need to know you're okay," she said, realising she was getting teary.
Dave wrapped his arm around her and pressed a kiss softly to her cheek. "I'm okay, or I will be. Right now, maybe not so much. I freaked, had a panic attack, now I just feel sick and exhausted," he admitted, really just wanting to be horizontal on the nearest flat surface... or maybe curled up in the fetal position with a pile of covers to hide beneath. "They say there is a high risk of it coming back in the first two years following remission. I just take extra care of myself, eat well, get as much sleep as I can, stay fit. I have to see a doctor regularly for check ups, and even the slightest hint of illness leads to strings of blood tests and scans. The slightest hint of illness also practically gives me a stroke, too. I can't help it. I get worried and I'm overly cautious. The first week I was here in the job, I had a stomach bug because my immune system can still be shaky. Luckily I have an awesome Oncologist, and she got me straight in. Took some tests, but everything was fine. Stomach things are especially nervy for me because I had an abdominal tumour. It was surgically removed with a small part of my bowel. Ironically, though, the first up initial symptoms felt just like I had the flu. Fever, some aches and pains, swollen glands. I wrote it off as the flu for about three or four weeks, but it wouldn't go away. My doctor took blood and... the rest is history."
"Does everyone here know?" Aimee asked him, still watching him closely in concern. She brushed her fingers through his hair to smooth it down where it was sticking up from his surgical cap. "You need to go home to lie down, you're not well. It doesn't matter why you aren't. Everything is sorted with the case. The social workers have come to talk to her family, and all the paperwork is done. I'm going to take you home. I'm glad you told me, sweetheart. This isn't something you should sit on and try to deal with alone. If we're going to be spending time together, I need to know in case you aren't okay. And now I do. I just want you to tell me if you're ever not feeling okay. Promise? I can tell a little when you're off your game, but I don't want to be a pest. For anything, if you're not feeling well, you tell me, and I'll take care of you. We can be overly cautious and nervy together. Deal? To be honest, I did notice the surgical scar on your belly when, well, when Joe decided it was a perfect time for a big brotherly visit, but I just assumed it was an appendectomy with complications or something. I noticed it goes down lower that normal, at an awkward angle. The surgery... the chemo? It must've been really tough on you."
"Most of my friends know," Dave said softly, biting his lip briefly. "I had a residency here when I got sick, but I had to quit it for obvious reasons. I lucked out getting this placement but of course they needed to make sure I was physically capable of a job like Trauma. I am, maybe ninety percent of the time. There will be the odd day here and there when the exhaustion sets in and I need a timeout. My body is weakened from the cancer, and it might never be the same as it was before again, but I'm healthy. All cards on the table with my bosses, and they were fine with it. Just asked me to tell them if I feel I need a break. Maybe now is that time, that I wished would never come," he said wryly, feeling an embarrassed heat creep into his cheeks. "I promise I'll tell you, no matter what. My family went through the whole thing with me. Well, save for my brother, Blake. The one deployed. He was on his deployment before this when it happened and they wouldn't give him leave. It was awful. My parents and sister were with me the whole time, though. It was rough. It was horrible. The chemo was a nightmare. Some people are okay with it, but it knocked me every single time."
Aimee cupped his face again and pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead. "I know you have probably heard this a million times, and probably think it's pointless, but... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, and that you have to live in constant underlying fear that you might get sick again. I'm sorry that your family had to go through that and your brother couldn't be here. I can't even imagine how that must have been for you and for him. Sometimes life is... it's awful."
"But it's still life," Dave pointed out with a faint, tired smile. "I'm still alive. All that... a small price to pay. I don't wake up every morning thinking, fuck, this could be the day it comes back. I wake up thinking, fuck, what another great day. Not that I wake up thinking every day is great, because that is just freakish. I just don't take as many things for granted. I know if I'm not feeling well, it's my body telling me to stop. Hardest thing to learn was that I'm still me. I still get upset when I lose a patient, I still don't like feeling sick, I don't like getting rained on, I don't like when my car fucks up. I'm the same as everyone else, I'm not the cancer dude. I'm not someone who nearly died, I'm someone who was sick and got better. But I am a guy who got scared that any girl I met and had feelings for would get scared by the prospect that I might have been the cancer dude who nearly died. You've made me realise I didn't need to be scared at all," he told her as he curled the ends of her hair around his fingers affectionately with a smile.
Aimee wanted to cry, and his words did get her a little teary again. She was relieved to see him smile, and she laughed with a hint of shyness and gave him a soft kiss to his neck near his ear. "So, Dr He Who Did Not Die," she joked, seeing now that he would appreciate the lighter side of his experience. He didn't want it to be a negative blight on his life. "What's your medical opinion on sexual healing?"
"I think naked with a sexy woman is always effective medicine," Dave murmured back in amusement. He knew it was a joke, he wasn't up to anything remotely sexual, but the banter was appreciated. He pulled her into a hug, closing his eyes as he rested his head against her shoulder. "Thank you," he whispered to her when the emotional pain from the tough day crept back up inside him.
Aimee just held him securely and rubbed his back. "I promise, if you get rained on, I'll give you a towel, and if your car fucks up, I'll hold the tools for you..." she whispered back. She paused, squeezing him just a little bit tighter like, even this soon, she was scared to let him go. "And if you get sick... again... w-we'll be scared together."
RP LOG, SCENE COMPLETE
What: Confessions
Where: Courtyard, Mount Sinai
When: Following THIS
Aimee was beyond freaked out watching Dave with that tragedy gone wrong. It wasn't the first time she had seen him in action, having observed one of his long surgeries after they first met but it was the first time they had a mutual case. One that had gone horribly wrong. Dave and his team hadn't even had time to get her open to assess any internal damage before she was crashing. The Obstetric team with Haley and Aimee hadn't even gotten deciding whether to C-Section the baby before she - a tiny little girl - died too. It was just one of those awful cases where the mother was probably trying to fight through her cancer without chemo just until her baby was delivered into the world. Then a horrific car crash made the decision for her and now they both lost their lives leaving a son and brother alone in the world without either of them.
There was nothing left for Obstetrics to do after that. Dave had walked out on the surgery and hadn't come back and Aimee was really worried about him. She went back to the ward with her team, going to the doctors' office with a heavy heart and deep confusion. After a few quick texts with a couple of their mutual friends at the hospital, and finding none of them had information about where Dave might be, Aimee was really at a loss. She sat there at the desk staring at her phone for all of thirty seconds, before she got up and decided that positive action was better than none at all. There was nothing pressing with work because she hadn't directly been involved as anything but an observer, and she just needed to find Dave to make sure he was okay.
She searched the obvious places and any staff areas he might be. He wasn't anywhere, and it was only a last-ditched effort when her text to him went unanswered that she decided to check outside. As soon as she spotted him sitting against a wall near one of the courtyards, she let out a heavy sigh of relief and hurried over to him. He had his knees drawn up and his head resting down on them, but she didn't hesitate in sitting down beside him and tucking her arm securely around him with a soft squeeze. She collected herself in her relief a little, biting back an urge to chastise him for running off because she knew it would just be out of fright and worry for him. It was just really out-of-character for any surgeon to walk from a surgery prematurely without a reason. She was just nervous what the reason migth be because he had an excellent reputation for being a top trauma surgeon and keeping a cool head, despite the difficulty of the case. It was his job. So why was this case any different? "Hey, you scared the hell out of me back there," she told him quietly and started to rub his back with small, soothing strokes.
Dave lifted his head and looked at Aimee apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm okay, I promise. I just..." His eyes fell closed again briefly and sighed softly himself. Her hand on his back actually felt really, really nice. He had lost track of how long he had been sitting there, but it didn't particularly matter. He couldn't have gotten up and gone back in there if he tried. He just needed the quiet for a bit longer. "If it's any consolation, I scared myself?" he added, even if it really wasn't going to be any consolation to her at all. In fact, it would probably just increase her concern ten-fold.
When Dave lifted his head to look at her, that was what caused her more concern than anything else. "You look terrible," she told him, pressing her hand over his forehead and cheeks to check for any fever. He was pale, though his cheeks were a little flushed and his eyes bloodshot like he hadn't slept in a week. He didn't feel feverish, just a little overheated from probably sitting out in the hot summer day. He was sweating heavily, and no protests came this time. He just let her continue with her fretful checking and she could feel his eyes on her face. She met his gaze, his face still cupped in her hand. "Look... sweetheart, I... I don't know what happened back there. It was like flicking a switch with you. I don't want to pry if you don't want to talk to me, but this is... something's wrong. I can tell. That patient did something to you, but I just don't know what it is. I'm just worried about you. I- are you sick? No? Did you... lose someone close to you to cancer?"
"It's me," Dave murmured and he closed his eyes again, letting his head drop down a little in defeat. He had wanted to tell her early on, but things had just been so amazing that he hadn't wanted to drag the mood down by bringing up a subject like cancer. Plus, it was a little hard for him to talk about in general. He liked to try to keep a positive mind and he had been enjoying getting right back on the job, and starting this new relationship. Life was good. But now this, it had dragged it all back to the forefront, and he couldn't leave Aimee in the dark. They were dating now, and she was special to him. Beyond special. She didn't deserve to not know. He wasn't going to lie to her. "I... had it. Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Nine months in remission and counting. I was sick for about eighteen months before that. I've been working on getting my life back on track when the cancer completely derailed it. I nearly didn't make it, and I had a really tough time with the chemo. My body didn't cope with it well. It's taken a lot to begin to feel alive again, if that makes sense. When I heard the patient had heart failure from the cancer, it was just... too much. It brought it all back."
Aimee felt a lot like someone had just tipped icy water down her back. For a long few moments, she just stared at him in shock, her blue eyes wide as she worked to absorb his confession. She was going to say something, but words failed her and she just rested her foreheard against his and held him, brushing her thumb back and forth across his arm. "It's okay," she whispered. "You're okay, I'm glad you're okay. Are you? The remission, it's... I know the odds, you still have to deal with that. I... I... I'm sorry. I want to say more, but I just need to know you're okay," she said, realising she was getting teary.
Dave wrapped his arm around her and pressed a kiss softly to her cheek. "I'm okay, or I will be. Right now, maybe not so much. I freaked, had a panic attack, now I just feel sick and exhausted," he admitted, really just wanting to be horizontal on the nearest flat surface... or maybe curled up in the fetal position with a pile of covers to hide beneath. "They say there is a high risk of it coming back in the first two years following remission. I just take extra care of myself, eat well, get as much sleep as I can, stay fit. I have to see a doctor regularly for check ups, and even the slightest hint of illness leads to strings of blood tests and scans. The slightest hint of illness also practically gives me a stroke, too. I can't help it. I get worried and I'm overly cautious. The first week I was here in the job, I had a stomach bug because my immune system can still be shaky. Luckily I have an awesome Oncologist, and she got me straight in. Took some tests, but everything was fine. Stomach things are especially nervy for me because I had an abdominal tumour. It was surgically removed with a small part of my bowel. Ironically, though, the first up initial symptoms felt just like I had the flu. Fever, some aches and pains, swollen glands. I wrote it off as the flu for about three or four weeks, but it wouldn't go away. My doctor took blood and... the rest is history."
"Does everyone here know?" Aimee asked him, still watching him closely in concern. She brushed her fingers through his hair to smooth it down where it was sticking up from his surgical cap. "You need to go home to lie down, you're not well. It doesn't matter why you aren't. Everything is sorted with the case. The social workers have come to talk to her family, and all the paperwork is done. I'm going to take you home. I'm glad you told me, sweetheart. This isn't something you should sit on and try to deal with alone. If we're going to be spending time together, I need to know in case you aren't okay. And now I do. I just want you to tell me if you're ever not feeling okay. Promise? I can tell a little when you're off your game, but I don't want to be a pest. For anything, if you're not feeling well, you tell me, and I'll take care of you. We can be overly cautious and nervy together. Deal? To be honest, I did notice the surgical scar on your belly when, well, when Joe decided it was a perfect time for a big brotherly visit, but I just assumed it was an appendectomy with complications or something. I noticed it goes down lower that normal, at an awkward angle. The surgery... the chemo? It must've been really tough on you."
"Most of my friends know," Dave said softly, biting his lip briefly. "I had a residency here when I got sick, but I had to quit it for obvious reasons. I lucked out getting this placement but of course they needed to make sure I was physically capable of a job like Trauma. I am, maybe ninety percent of the time. There will be the odd day here and there when the exhaustion sets in and I need a timeout. My body is weakened from the cancer, and it might never be the same as it was before again, but I'm healthy. All cards on the table with my bosses, and they were fine with it. Just asked me to tell them if I feel I need a break. Maybe now is that time, that I wished would never come," he said wryly, feeling an embarrassed heat creep into his cheeks. "I promise I'll tell you, no matter what. My family went through the whole thing with me. Well, save for my brother, Blake. The one deployed. He was on his deployment before this when it happened and they wouldn't give him leave. It was awful. My parents and sister were with me the whole time, though. It was rough. It was horrible. The chemo was a nightmare. Some people are okay with it, but it knocked me every single time."
Aimee cupped his face again and pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead. "I know you have probably heard this a million times, and probably think it's pointless, but... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, and that you have to live in constant underlying fear that you might get sick again. I'm sorry that your family had to go through that and your brother couldn't be here. I can't even imagine how that must have been for you and for him. Sometimes life is... it's awful."
"But it's still life," Dave pointed out with a faint, tired smile. "I'm still alive. All that... a small price to pay. I don't wake up every morning thinking, fuck, this could be the day it comes back. I wake up thinking, fuck, what another great day. Not that I wake up thinking every day is great, because that is just freakish. I just don't take as many things for granted. I know if I'm not feeling well, it's my body telling me to stop. Hardest thing to learn was that I'm still me. I still get upset when I lose a patient, I still don't like feeling sick, I don't like getting rained on, I don't like when my car fucks up. I'm the same as everyone else, I'm not the cancer dude. I'm not someone who nearly died, I'm someone who was sick and got better. But I am a guy who got scared that any girl I met and had feelings for would get scared by the prospect that I might have been the cancer dude who nearly died. You've made me realise I didn't need to be scared at all," he told her as he curled the ends of her hair around his fingers affectionately with a smile.
Aimee wanted to cry, and his words did get her a little teary again. She was relieved to see him smile, and she laughed with a hint of shyness and gave him a soft kiss to his neck near his ear. "So, Dr He Who Did Not Die," she joked, seeing now that he would appreciate the lighter side of his experience. He didn't want it to be a negative blight on his life. "What's your medical opinion on sexual healing?"
"I think naked with a sexy woman is always effective medicine," Dave murmured back in amusement. He knew it was a joke, he wasn't up to anything remotely sexual, but the banter was appreciated. He pulled her into a hug, closing his eyes as he rested his head against her shoulder. "Thank you," he whispered to her when the emotional pain from the tough day crept back up inside him.
Aimee just held him securely and rubbed his back. "I promise, if you get rained on, I'll give you a towel, and if your car fucks up, I'll hold the tools for you..." she whispered back. She paused, squeezing him just a little bit tighter like, even this soon, she was scared to let him go. "And if you get sick... again... w-we'll be scared together."
RP LOG, SCENE COMPLETE