[ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Ricki @ rickvandyke & Parker @ believeinyoursoul

[accidentallyinlove]

I need to talk to you guys about something. Can we get coffee?

Comments

[believeinyoursoul]

Oh, god, are you pregnant?

[accidentallyinlove]

Bitch, please.

[believeinyoursoul]

I'm just saying! It's not like you to need to talk to us about something, so it must be huge.

[accidentallyinlove]

I'm not pregnant. I have sense to not just use my own birth control, but ensure any guy I'm with uses it too. Even if I was, you would both know as soon as I did.

[believeinyoursoul]

Okay, good. I didn't want to have to break any dude's face. So, what is it?

[accidentallyinlove]

You wouldn't want to break a nail, but I still love you for the sentiment, Sparkie. I want to talk to you both at the same time so I'm not repeating it all. There's a lot going on, I'm tired. It's better this way. Then neither of you can get the shits that I told one before the other.

[believeinyoursoul]

True that. I'm just getting used to the luxury of frequent manicures too. Aw, man - that's not fair! I wanna know.

[accidentallyinlove]

Must be a hard life. It's fair, buttpain. Does that mean it's a yes to the coffee date?

[believeinyoursoul]

Okay, okay. Just let me know when. Not at the asscrack of dawn either. I'm used to my sleep-ins too.

[rickvandyke]

Does this mean you're finally going to tell us whatever it is you've been hiding from us for the last forever?

[accidentallyinlove]

I wasn't hiding anything. I was just being selective in when to tell you.

[rickvandyke]

I'm your twin. There's no allowance for selectiveness on when to tell me anything.

[accidentallyinlove]

There is when there are others beyond you and me involved.

[rickvandyke]

Did you get married without us?!

[accidentallyinlove]

Yeah, I got married without you. BTW, fuck you and fuck Parker.

[rickvandyke]

You love us, bitch. STFU. :P

[accidentallyinlove]

I don't know how I somehow turned out to be the reckless slut in this scenario, but fuck you both still.

[rickvandyke]

I didn't really think you'd gotten married. Just for the record.

[accidentallyinlove]

Good, because I didn't want to have to bitchslap my twin. Parker thought I was knocked up.

[rickvandyke]

Bitchpls. You're the birth control queen.