There was little else left Beau could do but cry. Sometimes, even when he didn't want to cry, he did anyway because he couldn't prevent it. The bad days, he could just lie on bed crying until his body was even too exhausted to allow that. That was how he had been feeling constantly lately. At least, lately before this happened anyway. He had no recollection of much immediately before it. He vaguely remembered Tara visiting, but he had already been waning by that point. His only awareness had been the fatigue and pain. It had been fatigue and pain for days, weeks even. It had just gotten worse to the point he had struggled to fight. Things had been playing on his mind, but it was a confusing mix. There was an awareness to him like he was fading. It was impossible to explain to anyone when it was only patchy in his own mind. He knew he had been fading, something inside him was gone. Maybe it was the infection, but he had known, even just very briefly, that he was losing some sort of fight. He wanted to just close his eyes and let it fade to black, and he had been at peace with that because now he realised at that point, there hadn't been any pain.

He just didn't know if he should share that awareness with Austin right now. They had gone through a lot, but there was a fearful uncertainty now about whether he was putting too much on Austin. Had he been asking too much of him from the get-go? Had it been completely selfish to even ask him to let him go if he got too sick? All this just came out in a soft sob against Austin's shoulder in the hug. It was choked and it was breathless. He couldn't even put his arm up to return the embrace because all his extremities felt like they were made of lead, or even strapped against the bed. "I don't know what's supposed to happen now. Are we even going to be okay...?"