Alec picked up the cup, even if he was just nursing it in his hands without having any yet and answered with a resolute nod. "Without breaching his confidentiality on things he's disclosed to me, he's resorted to some awful ways to self-harm. It's never a rational choice, it's what's available to him when the urge gets too strong. It can be a very fine line between ideation and intent. He was very sick that day at Bondi but he knew what he was doing. And by knew, I mean, he wanted to stop living and that was one of many ways he considered it in those preceding days. If it wasn't the beach, it would've been something else. It's really just as simple that he was very sick and it exacerbated more quickly than anyone realised. Have you spoken to a psychologist about any of this? Even just one appointed through work? I know those resources are there for you. It's no shame to use them as much as you need. The memories could be with you for a long time, you might need strategies to manage it. Have you spoken to him at all recently? Prior to the accident, I mean. I just realised I don't even know if you kept in touch with him after we..." He made a little gesture with his fingers, not really wanting to say it out loud anymore. "You can always talk to me about it. Those wounds, I don't think they ever quite heal for me. In a lot of ways, I don't want them to because it helps me connect with him. I made that promise to him the day we met, that I would hold on tight to anything he wanted to tell me, so he never had to repeat anything that was too hard. Would it help if I talked to you about my feelings around all that? Maybe compartmentalising isn't the answer."