I know changed things for him and I don't take that for granted. How scared I was that I was about to lose him that day should've preventing me from fucking up the way I ultimately did. But that wasn't the only time I thought I was losing him. I really thought he was falling out of love with me because he stopped engaging with me and communicating with me. It never crossed my mind he was depressed and I'll never forgive myself for that. That he wants to remarry me is phenomenal. If he ever gets ill again, I don't need him to need my input on his choices. I'll support whatever he needs, even if that means saying goodbye to him. Every day I wake up with him now is a gift. Maybe those sorts of dreams are just reminders to always remember every day is a gift. Lachie nearly lost you too. I trust you both with Beau's life.