Evan Miles Turner (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bigbrotherslove) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2018-10-04 04:04 am
bigbrotherslove) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2018-10-04 04:04 am
"But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore."
Who: Evan Turner and Christian Casey
What: Elephant in the room
Where: Neurological Unit, Mount Sinai
When: After this
Christian didn’t hesitate in offering to help Jesse when he heard Jace had been rushed to hospital suffering suspected multiple complex partial seizures. It started with three or four which he managed to regain consciousness after, albeit extremely fatigued and suffering migraine and motion sickness-like nausea and dizziness. They had flown home from Vermont on the private jet owned by Gen and Paris’ company and Jesse spent the duration holding Jace’s head over a sick bag or trying to rouse him when he dropped in and out of consciousness. Liam was on the flight with them, having travelled up so there would be a doctor on board if Jace’s condition took a turn for the worst. Jace passed out as they were alighting the plane and this time, Jesse couldn’t rouse him so they called an ambulance.
Jace had been admitted to the High Dependency ward of the Neurological Unit. He had undergone multiple scans and examinations including an EEG to monitor his brain activity that indicated he was having multiple seizures lasting around five minutes each and hitting every half-hour to an hour. He wasn’t regaining consciousness after them. His medical team, including Jesse, had the option of Responsive Neurostimulation on the table where a device was implanted on the surface of the brain to deliver electrical stimulation to the area where the seizure was coming from with hopes to stop it.
Jesse wasn’t coping well with it. Such an invasive tactic had his nerves shot to pieces. He hadn’t slept or eaten since Jace was admitted and he had been making himself sick with anxiety. It lead to him having a seizure himself where he nearly split his head open on the side of Jace’s hospital bed. They ended up admitting him to the same room as Jace for observation but Jesse was so wiped out after he, he had been out to it since. Alex, Jace’s older brother, was out of town at a medical conference about the latest developments in HIV prophylaxis and even though he was rushing back from Paris as quickly as he could, he was still in transit and currently stuck at a lay-over in Spain because he tried to catch the soonest flight home. That was when Christian knew he had to be there. He might not live with them anymore but he still regarded them as family. He promised Jesse he would watch over Jace for him.
He moved only to go take a shower in the staff change rooms, get a coffee and a packet of Doritos from the vending machine. This was only after he made the nurse on duty promise to page him if there was even the slightest change in Jesse or Jace’s condition. He just really was not prepared for what happened when he got back to their room. There, standing at the end of Jace’s bed looking at his chart like no time had passed at all was Evan and Christian nearly backed away prepared to instigation emphatic avoidance tactics. But it wasn’t the time for that. Jace was seriously sick, Jesse was poorly and needed help. They were the priority.
“I knew as soon as they said he was asking for you between the seizures that you’d come,” Christmas murmured, clutching his coffee like a life-preserver. And he did. He knew it. Liam had said when Jace was in and out of consciousness he kept asking for Jesse and Evan but could communicate little else.
Evan was startled and didn’t expect to see Christian here. He looked up, fumbling with the chart and dropped it, sending it clattering loudly to the lino floor. The clips burst open and Jace’s notes scattered around his feet. “Fuck…” he cursed and stooped to gather the papers up, standing again quickly to finally meet Christian’s gaze.
The day he departed New York for his assignment with Doctors Without Borders in Africa, he swore on Jace’s life that if Jace ever needed him, he only had to ask for him and he would come back straight away. There had been days in Africa where he had been so homesick and miserable that he hoped Jace would need him to give him an excuse to leave. He couldn’t just go because he was lonely and missed his family. That’s not how a commitment like that worked and he knew it. On three different occasions, he had contracted the dreaded Montezuma’s Revenge and had been confined to his tent on a stretchers questioning his whole existence. On the upside, he lost nearly twenty pounds while he had been in Africa but it wasn’t a life he easily adjusted to. He had to face a lot of introspection and soul-searching. Yet still, he was too stubborn to fold on the assignment because it was rewarding and he had met amazing people on his journey. But his heart was back home, helping take care of his baby brother. Up to now, it had begun to feel like Jace really did no longer need him but at the same time, he never really wanted to receive That Call telling him Jace was seriously ill again. He requested his departure ASAP because of the family emergency and didn’t let himself think too much on it, focusing instead on getting home to Jace because he didn’t want anyone else in charge of his neurological care.
He slotted the papers back over the rings in the order he knew by heart and clipped them shut. The snap was loud, filling the awkward silence between him and Christian. “I promised him I would.” He bit back the urge to demand why Christian was there, not feeling entitled to be that asshole anymore. Yet unresolved tension of their break-up still lingered and seemed palpable. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” Not here anyway, in this unit. Christian was senior in the ICU on another floor. Evan wished he had anticipated bumping into him but he had been so worried about Jace.
“Likewise,” Christian returned and went back to his seat in between Jesse and Jace’s bed. Jace was hooked up to the whole box and dice of monitors beeping and buzzing, feeding medication and fluids into his veins, monitoring his brain and heart activity, issuing oxygen through nasal prongs. Jesse was on a drip and oxygen but he had the luxury to curl up on his side to sleep everything off. The lights were dimmed on Jesse’s side because his vision had been oversensitive after the seizure.
“I-I didn’t… when did Jesse fit? His chart’s gone.” Evan was stalling, watching Christian make himself at home. Evan was unnerved and shaken. It was harder seeing Christian than he could’ve anticipated and twists of hurt still knotted in his gut. Hurt born of regret and guilt on his part. It was his fault it all died in the ass when he was scared of commitment. He was dealing with this by trying to stay focused on why he was here. To take care of Jace. He also had a pile of papers in his bag about a young brain-injured patient in the pediatric wing that Sam wanted him to assess. He had been going to consult over Skype for a second-opinion after reading the clinical notes but reading them on the plane had been a welcomed distraction from his own stressing.
“Jesse’s one of the most-loved staff members in this place. He’ll have visitors. Alex requested over the phone that it be held at the nurses’ station for his privacy. He’s Jesse’s medical proxy now.” Christian didn’t know if Evan was aware of this. In the past, he had been Jesse’s medical proxy because he was also Jace’s in the event Jesse was incapacitated. A lot had changed, there was no doubt about that, but life went on. It never stopped spinning because of change. “About the time they started trying to strong-hold him to authorising a device be implanted in his husband’s head. He hadn’t slept in days, he wasn’t eating. Pretty sure he was just a ticking time-bomb, but Jace is his priority. You look rough. Have you eaten?” He offered the bag of Doritos to Evan.
On the back of a sixteen hour flight home, where he literally hadn’t even gone home and came straight from the airport to the hospital, Evan was tired. But it probably wasn’t even a drop in the ocean to how he knew Jesse would’ve been feeling. He never had any doubts that Jesse would take care of Jace in his absence. He just never expected Jesse to do such a good job, Jace really wouldn’t need him and could well have existed fine if he never came back. “Makes sense…” he agreed noncommittally and hung Jace’s notes back on the end of his bed, moving on to read the EEG feeds. “Neurostimulation has, and always will be, a last resort. The epilepsy is caused by the brain injury and his brain injury traverses lobes. There’s too much of a risk of further neurological impairment and there’s no guarantee it will do a fucking thing for reducing his seizures, let alone stopping them. It might make them worse. They can fuck off. I will not let him be used as a fucking guinea pig.”
“Preaching to the quoir, bud.” Christian’s reply might be a little blunt but it encompassed his concurrence and consciousness that his opinion in Jesse or Jace’s healthcare wasn’t relevant anymore. He wouldn’t insult either of them by offering it. This time, he offered Evan both the coffee and Doritos. “You look like you could use these more than I can. Have you showered? Slept? I can stick around for an a couple of hours while you go home and freshen up.”
Evan couldn’t expect how much of a kick in the gut it felt like when Christian called him ‘bud’. Not babe, not honey, not love. Not that he expected that either but the impersonal edge to ‘bud’ didn’t feel right. Maybe it was just being jetlagged and overtired. He didn’t want to be oversensitive about this. If he came back to New York, he would have had to face Christian again soon enough. He just wished it was in a professional capacity and not this, where his feelings were niggling in his gut like ants trying to eat his intestines. He hesitated, not sure he was entitled to accept Christian’s kindness. With reluctance, he sat and accepted the coffee and chips. “I’m going to stay. I just… have to.”
Christian nodded, understanding. “Figured you’d say that,” he murmured with a smirk. He got up for a moment to check on Jesse. Other than Jace and Jace’s family, Jesse didn’t have family here. He completely lost touch with his family in the South. He had Merlin, but Merlin was on a three-month exchange program studying performing arts in London with Caden was sponsoring. Jesse had barely been with it after his seizure but the only two things he said were ‘Please look after him for me’ and ‘Don’t tell Merlin’. Christian was still close with Jesse and he hated this had happened. It also gave him something to do instead of sitting there feeling awkward. He put his hand over Jesse’s forehead. He was still febrile but likely only related to the seizure. All infection had been ruled out and thankfully the rest of Jesse’s pathology was normal. They had him on an IV for immunoglobulins and electrolytes because he hadn’t been able to stop vomiting post-ictal. There were a few minor aftershock seizures in the wake but mostly contained to brief episodes of twitching and jerking while Jesse slept. He would be in here until he could be upright without being sick or passing out with vertigo. “He’ll be happy to see you when he wakes up.”
“I should never have left him,” Evan mattered and took a swig of the bitter coffee. That was definitely one thing that hadn’t changed, how vile the vending machine coffee was.
“Yeah, because you being here or not would totally stop him being brain-injured and epileptic. You’re giant pulsing ego would block all neuro-receptors from causing him to have anymore fits. Nice way to say you don’t trust, you know, his fucking husband or your brother or your grandmother.” Christian was about to walk out and leave Evan with this self-focused brooding but he stopped at the door, shaking his head before he turned back. “No, you know what? Fuck you for suggesting Jesse is somehow inferior to you in taking care of Jace, no matter how back-handed your comment was. They are one of the most amazingly committed and strong couples I’ve ever met, which is more than I can say for anything you’re fucking destined for. You’re the one who fucked off overseas because your ego couldn’t take a blow. Get your head out of your ass and stop thinking about yourself for once. This is not about you!”
Evan stood up quickly, realising he was screwing this whole thing up when he spent the whole flight home telling himself to get his shit together. “Christian, wait.” Even still, once he got those words out, he wasn’t sure what was supposed to come next. “You’re right, I’m a fuckass. He was doing so well for so long that it felt like he was never going to need me again. That maybe Jesse was doing a better job that I had ever done. I know I fucked everything up. I don’t mean to take it out on Jess. But I stand by my friggin word. I should never have left him. Not because I think Jess is incapable but because I should never have left New York at all. I just didn’t want to admit I screwed that up. Truth is, I’ve been waiting ever since I left to get a call saying Jace needs me, because it would’ve given me a fucking out without having to… get my head out of my ass and face up to my shit,” he added with a faint smirk that didn’t linger before he sat again and looked away.
After a long shift, Christian’s patience with any of this was in short stock. “I don’t know what you think ‘doing so well for so long’ entails but his epilepsy has been as steady as it always has been. He just told us all not to bother you with every little fit he had. Plus, he still has the shits with you that you went at all. That’s on your head, pal. You’re just going to have to wear that and sort it out with him when he gets better. But get off that fucking cross, Jesus. The martyr act doesn’t suit you. You made a choice, deal with it. But don’t call Jesse’s care of Jace into question. He doesn’t deserve it. He puts Jace first above even his own health every single time. Case in point. And he’s just back from a trip with the younger squad because Justin’s just out of the psych unit and needed hands-on nursing care round the clock and Zeke needed support between chemo treatments. All that, and still took care of Jace as well as he always does. He got him back here straight away so he’d be here if he got worse. Jace didn’t do well on the flight, but it was the magazine’s private jet so not as traumatic for anyone. They brought him in by ambulance from the airport. And you know what, if you’re going to just be your old self and a dick about everything, why don’t you just go and sleep it off because Jesse doesn’t need the stress or the conflict.”
Evan remained quiet when he really should’ve been saying more. Not more dickish things but tackle that giant elephant in the room of their break-up and how he let his fear of commitment destroy the best thing that ever happened to him in his life. But he didn’t even know how to start the conversation and he had a thumping headache. He was jetlagged and needed sleep. He didn’t want to leave Jace but it was pretty evident he wasn’t vitally needed here. He didn’t really like the doctor Jace was admitted under but he would probably dislike any neurologist that wasn’t him touching Jace, save for Ethan, who had taken a secondment to John Hopkins. No one could blame him for that. But apparently he was too chicken shit to face up to this. He stood and put the coffee aside. “I’ve been asked to consult for a second opinion. Then I’m going to go home and crash. Jacey’s in good hands…” That took a hell of a lot for him to admit but he knew it was the truth. One that really hurt to admit.
Christian looked Evan over and took a deep breath. “Maybe you should get some sleep first and consult when you’ve had some rest,” he suggested, knowing full well Evan was a stubborn asshole and would do what he wanted anyway. So he held up his hands. “Forget I said anything. Keep your cell switched on. I’ll make sure they call you if Jace wakes up. He won’t, but at least you’ll know if a freak occurrence happens, you’ll be told. Nana will let you know anyway.”
“Cheers,” Evan said, even if he hadn’t let any of his family know he was coming back. He felt like a failure quitting Doctors Without Borders. He just would never have forgiven himself if Jace ever took a turn for the worst with his condition and slipped further away from them and he wasn’t here to make sure he got the best treatment as possible. The truth was, he should never have run away like a coward in the first place. But his guilt wasn’t something Christian needed to deal with. Maybe in the meantime, he’d take his balls in hand and figure out how the fuck he was supposed to feel about all of this.
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Elephant in the room
Where: Neurological Unit, Mount Sinai
When: After this
Christian didn’t hesitate in offering to help Jesse when he heard Jace had been rushed to hospital suffering suspected multiple complex partial seizures. It started with three or four which he managed to regain consciousness after, albeit extremely fatigued and suffering migraine and motion sickness-like nausea and dizziness. They had flown home from Vermont on the private jet owned by Gen and Paris’ company and Jesse spent the duration holding Jace’s head over a sick bag or trying to rouse him when he dropped in and out of consciousness. Liam was on the flight with them, having travelled up so there would be a doctor on board if Jace’s condition took a turn for the worst. Jace passed out as they were alighting the plane and this time, Jesse couldn’t rouse him so they called an ambulance.
Jace had been admitted to the High Dependency ward of the Neurological Unit. He had undergone multiple scans and examinations including an EEG to monitor his brain activity that indicated he was having multiple seizures lasting around five minutes each and hitting every half-hour to an hour. He wasn’t regaining consciousness after them. His medical team, including Jesse, had the option of Responsive Neurostimulation on the table where a device was implanted on the surface of the brain to deliver electrical stimulation to the area where the seizure was coming from with hopes to stop it.
Jesse wasn’t coping well with it. Such an invasive tactic had his nerves shot to pieces. He hadn’t slept or eaten since Jace was admitted and he had been making himself sick with anxiety. It lead to him having a seizure himself where he nearly split his head open on the side of Jace’s hospital bed. They ended up admitting him to the same room as Jace for observation but Jesse was so wiped out after he, he had been out to it since. Alex, Jace’s older brother, was out of town at a medical conference about the latest developments in HIV prophylaxis and even though he was rushing back from Paris as quickly as he could, he was still in transit and currently stuck at a lay-over in Spain because he tried to catch the soonest flight home. That was when Christian knew he had to be there. He might not live with them anymore but he still regarded them as family. He promised Jesse he would watch over Jace for him.
He moved only to go take a shower in the staff change rooms, get a coffee and a packet of Doritos from the vending machine. This was only after he made the nurse on duty promise to page him if there was even the slightest change in Jesse or Jace’s condition. He just really was not prepared for what happened when he got back to their room. There, standing at the end of Jace’s bed looking at his chart like no time had passed at all was Evan and Christian nearly backed away prepared to instigation emphatic avoidance tactics. But it wasn’t the time for that. Jace was seriously sick, Jesse was poorly and needed help. They were the priority.
“I knew as soon as they said he was asking for you between the seizures that you’d come,” Christmas murmured, clutching his coffee like a life-preserver. And he did. He knew it. Liam had said when Jace was in and out of consciousness he kept asking for Jesse and Evan but could communicate little else.
Evan was startled and didn’t expect to see Christian here. He looked up, fumbling with the chart and dropped it, sending it clattering loudly to the lino floor. The clips burst open and Jace’s notes scattered around his feet. “Fuck…” he cursed and stooped to gather the papers up, standing again quickly to finally meet Christian’s gaze.
The day he departed New York for his assignment with Doctors Without Borders in Africa, he swore on Jace’s life that if Jace ever needed him, he only had to ask for him and he would come back straight away. There had been days in Africa where he had been so homesick and miserable that he hoped Jace would need him to give him an excuse to leave. He couldn’t just go because he was lonely and missed his family. That’s not how a commitment like that worked and he knew it. On three different occasions, he had contracted the dreaded Montezuma’s Revenge and had been confined to his tent on a stretchers questioning his whole existence. On the upside, he lost nearly twenty pounds while he had been in Africa but it wasn’t a life he easily adjusted to. He had to face a lot of introspection and soul-searching. Yet still, he was too stubborn to fold on the assignment because it was rewarding and he had met amazing people on his journey. But his heart was back home, helping take care of his baby brother. Up to now, it had begun to feel like Jace really did no longer need him but at the same time, he never really wanted to receive That Call telling him Jace was seriously ill again. He requested his departure ASAP because of the family emergency and didn’t let himself think too much on it, focusing instead on getting home to Jace because he didn’t want anyone else in charge of his neurological care.
He slotted the papers back over the rings in the order he knew by heart and clipped them shut. The snap was loud, filling the awkward silence between him and Christian. “I promised him I would.” He bit back the urge to demand why Christian was there, not feeling entitled to be that asshole anymore. Yet unresolved tension of their break-up still lingered and seemed palpable. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” Not here anyway, in this unit. Christian was senior in the ICU on another floor. Evan wished he had anticipated bumping into him but he had been so worried about Jace.
“Likewise,” Christian returned and went back to his seat in between Jesse and Jace’s bed. Jace was hooked up to the whole box and dice of monitors beeping and buzzing, feeding medication and fluids into his veins, monitoring his brain and heart activity, issuing oxygen through nasal prongs. Jesse was on a drip and oxygen but he had the luxury to curl up on his side to sleep everything off. The lights were dimmed on Jesse’s side because his vision had been oversensitive after the seizure.
“I-I didn’t… when did Jesse fit? His chart’s gone.” Evan was stalling, watching Christian make himself at home. Evan was unnerved and shaken. It was harder seeing Christian than he could’ve anticipated and twists of hurt still knotted in his gut. Hurt born of regret and guilt on his part. It was his fault it all died in the ass when he was scared of commitment. He was dealing with this by trying to stay focused on why he was here. To take care of Jace. He also had a pile of papers in his bag about a young brain-injured patient in the pediatric wing that Sam wanted him to assess. He had been going to consult over Skype for a second-opinion after reading the clinical notes but reading them on the plane had been a welcomed distraction from his own stressing.
“Jesse’s one of the most-loved staff members in this place. He’ll have visitors. Alex requested over the phone that it be held at the nurses’ station for his privacy. He’s Jesse’s medical proxy now.” Christian didn’t know if Evan was aware of this. In the past, he had been Jesse’s medical proxy because he was also Jace’s in the event Jesse was incapacitated. A lot had changed, there was no doubt about that, but life went on. It never stopped spinning because of change. “About the time they started trying to strong-hold him to authorising a device be implanted in his husband’s head. He hadn’t slept in days, he wasn’t eating. Pretty sure he was just a ticking time-bomb, but Jace is his priority. You look rough. Have you eaten?” He offered the bag of Doritos to Evan.
On the back of a sixteen hour flight home, where he literally hadn’t even gone home and came straight from the airport to the hospital, Evan was tired. But it probably wasn’t even a drop in the ocean to how he knew Jesse would’ve been feeling. He never had any doubts that Jesse would take care of Jace in his absence. He just never expected Jesse to do such a good job, Jace really wouldn’t need him and could well have existed fine if he never came back. “Makes sense…” he agreed noncommittally and hung Jace’s notes back on the end of his bed, moving on to read the EEG feeds. “Neurostimulation has, and always will be, a last resort. The epilepsy is caused by the brain injury and his brain injury traverses lobes. There’s too much of a risk of further neurological impairment and there’s no guarantee it will do a fucking thing for reducing his seizures, let alone stopping them. It might make them worse. They can fuck off. I will not let him be used as a fucking guinea pig.”
“Preaching to the quoir, bud.” Christian’s reply might be a little blunt but it encompassed his concurrence and consciousness that his opinion in Jesse or Jace’s healthcare wasn’t relevant anymore. He wouldn’t insult either of them by offering it. This time, he offered Evan both the coffee and Doritos. “You look like you could use these more than I can. Have you showered? Slept? I can stick around for an a couple of hours while you go home and freshen up.”
Evan couldn’t expect how much of a kick in the gut it felt like when Christian called him ‘bud’. Not babe, not honey, not love. Not that he expected that either but the impersonal edge to ‘bud’ didn’t feel right. Maybe it was just being jetlagged and overtired. He didn’t want to be oversensitive about this. If he came back to New York, he would have had to face Christian again soon enough. He just wished it was in a professional capacity and not this, where his feelings were niggling in his gut like ants trying to eat his intestines. He hesitated, not sure he was entitled to accept Christian’s kindness. With reluctance, he sat and accepted the coffee and chips. “I’m going to stay. I just… have to.”
Christian nodded, understanding. “Figured you’d say that,” he murmured with a smirk. He got up for a moment to check on Jesse. Other than Jace and Jace’s family, Jesse didn’t have family here. He completely lost touch with his family in the South. He had Merlin, but Merlin was on a three-month exchange program studying performing arts in London with Caden was sponsoring. Jesse had barely been with it after his seizure but the only two things he said were ‘Please look after him for me’ and ‘Don’t tell Merlin’. Christian was still close with Jesse and he hated this had happened. It also gave him something to do instead of sitting there feeling awkward. He put his hand over Jesse’s forehead. He was still febrile but likely only related to the seizure. All infection had been ruled out and thankfully the rest of Jesse’s pathology was normal. They had him on an IV for immunoglobulins and electrolytes because he hadn’t been able to stop vomiting post-ictal. There were a few minor aftershock seizures in the wake but mostly contained to brief episodes of twitching and jerking while Jesse slept. He would be in here until he could be upright without being sick or passing out with vertigo. “He’ll be happy to see you when he wakes up.”
“I should never have left him,” Evan mattered and took a swig of the bitter coffee. That was definitely one thing that hadn’t changed, how vile the vending machine coffee was.
“Yeah, because you being here or not would totally stop him being brain-injured and epileptic. You’re giant pulsing ego would block all neuro-receptors from causing him to have anymore fits. Nice way to say you don’t trust, you know, his fucking husband or your brother or your grandmother.” Christian was about to walk out and leave Evan with this self-focused brooding but he stopped at the door, shaking his head before he turned back. “No, you know what? Fuck you for suggesting Jesse is somehow inferior to you in taking care of Jace, no matter how back-handed your comment was. They are one of the most amazingly committed and strong couples I’ve ever met, which is more than I can say for anything you’re fucking destined for. You’re the one who fucked off overseas because your ego couldn’t take a blow. Get your head out of your ass and stop thinking about yourself for once. This is not about you!”
Evan stood up quickly, realising he was screwing this whole thing up when he spent the whole flight home telling himself to get his shit together. “Christian, wait.” Even still, once he got those words out, he wasn’t sure what was supposed to come next. “You’re right, I’m a fuckass. He was doing so well for so long that it felt like he was never going to need me again. That maybe Jesse was doing a better job that I had ever done. I know I fucked everything up. I don’t mean to take it out on Jess. But I stand by my friggin word. I should never have left him. Not because I think Jess is incapable but because I should never have left New York at all. I just didn’t want to admit I screwed that up. Truth is, I’ve been waiting ever since I left to get a call saying Jace needs me, because it would’ve given me a fucking out without having to… get my head out of my ass and face up to my shit,” he added with a faint smirk that didn’t linger before he sat again and looked away.
After a long shift, Christian’s patience with any of this was in short stock. “I don’t know what you think ‘doing so well for so long’ entails but his epilepsy has been as steady as it always has been. He just told us all not to bother you with every little fit he had. Plus, he still has the shits with you that you went at all. That’s on your head, pal. You’re just going to have to wear that and sort it out with him when he gets better. But get off that fucking cross, Jesus. The martyr act doesn’t suit you. You made a choice, deal with it. But don’t call Jesse’s care of Jace into question. He doesn’t deserve it. He puts Jace first above even his own health every single time. Case in point. And he’s just back from a trip with the younger squad because Justin’s just out of the psych unit and needed hands-on nursing care round the clock and Zeke needed support between chemo treatments. All that, and still took care of Jace as well as he always does. He got him back here straight away so he’d be here if he got worse. Jace didn’t do well on the flight, but it was the magazine’s private jet so not as traumatic for anyone. They brought him in by ambulance from the airport. And you know what, if you’re going to just be your old self and a dick about everything, why don’t you just go and sleep it off because Jesse doesn’t need the stress or the conflict.”
Evan remained quiet when he really should’ve been saying more. Not more dickish things but tackle that giant elephant in the room of their break-up and how he let his fear of commitment destroy the best thing that ever happened to him in his life. But he didn’t even know how to start the conversation and he had a thumping headache. He was jetlagged and needed sleep. He didn’t want to leave Jace but it was pretty evident he wasn’t vitally needed here. He didn’t really like the doctor Jace was admitted under but he would probably dislike any neurologist that wasn’t him touching Jace, save for Ethan, who had taken a secondment to John Hopkins. No one could blame him for that. But apparently he was too chicken shit to face up to this. He stood and put the coffee aside. “I’ve been asked to consult for a second opinion. Then I’m going to go home and crash. Jacey’s in good hands…” That took a hell of a lot for him to admit but he knew it was the truth. One that really hurt to admit.
Christian looked Evan over and took a deep breath. “Maybe you should get some sleep first and consult when you’ve had some rest,” he suggested, knowing full well Evan was a stubborn asshole and would do what he wanted anyway. So he held up his hands. “Forget I said anything. Keep your cell switched on. I’ll make sure they call you if Jace wakes up. He won’t, but at least you’ll know if a freak occurrence happens, you’ll be told. Nana will let you know anyway.”
“Cheers,” Evan said, even if he hadn’t let any of his family know he was coming back. He felt like a failure quitting Doctors Without Borders. He just would never have forgiven himself if Jace ever took a turn for the worst with his condition and slipped further away from them and he wasn’t here to make sure he got the best treatment as possible. The truth was, he should never have run away like a coward in the first place. But his guilt wasn’t something Christian needed to deal with. Maybe in the meantime, he’d take his balls in hand and figure out how the fuck he was supposed to feel about all of this.
LOG, COMPLETE