Lorenzo Jérôme Chevalier (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nothingelsematters) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2017-01-20 03:30 pm
nothingelsematters) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2017-01-20 03:30 pm
@ muserevival | Quote of the Day 008.
HERE @ muserevival
"The pain started years ago, but I’d lived with it for so long at that point that I’d accepted it as an inevitable part of me."
- Ashley D. Wallis
Lorenzo sat up long after Clint and Lincoln went home. As numb as everyone was, sitting there in awkward silence together trying to process it wouldn't do anyone any good. Lorenzo asked for time to get his head around it, Clint said he just either wanted to fucking sleep for a week or get trashed. Lorenzo got why he felt that. He wasn't offended. It wasn't the secret eliciting these emotions, it was how it all went down. It was the betrayal. On top of that, Clint had to process the fact he was the 'ditched one' because he had been a sick baby.
After they left, Lorenzo just sat there in the dark thinking. He tried to think back on literally every moment of his childhood, trying to see if there were signs he missed. His childhood was patchy in some areas. He had abusive and violent father, so much of it was him blocking out the pain of seeing his mom get beaten and abused. The older he got, the more assertive he got, but also in getting older, he spent less and less time at hime, and more and more time with Clint. Maybe that was the biggest sign of all.
It was only when Holly woke up crying in the early hours of the morning that Lorenzo was pulled from his thoughts. When he stood, he realised how long he had been sitting there because he was desperate for the bathroom. But like any good dad worth his weight, he went to help his baby girl first. She was miserable and clingy, and after changing her diaper, he settled her again by pacing slowly in her room and rocking her nursed against his chest. She dropped off back to sleep and he tucked her back into her bed, hopefully for a little more sleep.
After a brief trip to the bathroom, he headed quietly to the master bedroom he shared with his incredible husband. Lewis had been working two different jobs this past month. Still at the Broadway show, and also some heavy-duty makeup artistry on a movie being filmed in New Jersey. He was tired. While all this devasting twist of events was going down earlier with Clint, Lewis had been crashed in bed. As much as Lorenzo desperately needed him, he let Lewis sleep because he needed it.
Lorenzo kicked his slippers off and nudged them under the bed with his toe, watching his husband sleep in the tiny stream of light coming through the crack between the curtains from street lights outside. He was drained and weary. Lewis looked so cosy and warm. He climbed in beside him, and cuddled up in against his side. Lewis, also being a daddy, stirred as soon as they were a slight disturbance.
"Hm? You okay, babe?" Lewis mumbled. He was barely awake, his voice husky from sleep as he looked over his shoulder at Lorenzo. "What's the time?"
When Lewis went to reach for his phone to check the clock, Lorenzo took his hand to stop him. "Don't. Doesn't matter, darlin'. Just hold me?" he murmured, his Southern drawl as thick as ever.
Lewis rolled over and wrapped his arms around Lorenzo, giving him a brief kiss. "What is it? Is something wrong?"
Lorenzo sighed and rested his head against Lewis' shoulder in the embrace. "Yeah, but it's okay. No one's sick or hurt. We can talk about it in the morning. I just want to go to sleep." As soon as he said that, he felt his husband's arms tighten just that little more protectively around him. The bed felt like a safety blanket. He wanted to turn his mind off and stop the deluge of thoughts, but he couldn't.
Instead, he felt himself wanting to shut down for awhile. That wasn't uncommon for him in emotionally fraught situations. Sometimes, all he could do was shut down and sleep. He had tried to do that in the wake of Holly's mother's suicide, but he had been left with a newborn baby, who had no one left but him. Instead, he had forced himself to stay awake for her. She was all he had the energy to focus on.
Although there was no death connected to finding out his cousin was actually his fraternal twin brother, it still felt like grief was crushing in on him. His whole life had been a lie. Lewis understood. He didn't push. He just held him tighter, and Lorenzo knew he wouldn't let go.
muserevival"The pain started years ago, but I’d lived with it for so long at that point that I’d accepted it as an inevitable part of me."
- Ashley D. Wallis
Lorenzo sat up long after Clint and Lincoln went home. As numb as everyone was, sitting there in awkward silence together trying to process it wouldn't do anyone any good. Lorenzo asked for time to get his head around it, Clint said he just either wanted to fucking sleep for a week or get trashed. Lorenzo got why he felt that. He wasn't offended. It wasn't the secret eliciting these emotions, it was how it all went down. It was the betrayal. On top of that, Clint had to process the fact he was the 'ditched one' because he had been a sick baby.
After they left, Lorenzo just sat there in the dark thinking. He tried to think back on literally every moment of his childhood, trying to see if there were signs he missed. His childhood was patchy in some areas. He had abusive and violent father, so much of it was him blocking out the pain of seeing his mom get beaten and abused. The older he got, the more assertive he got, but also in getting older, he spent less and less time at hime, and more and more time with Clint. Maybe that was the biggest sign of all.
It was only when Holly woke up crying in the early hours of the morning that Lorenzo was pulled from his thoughts. When he stood, he realised how long he had been sitting there because he was desperate for the bathroom. But like any good dad worth his weight, he went to help his baby girl first. She was miserable and clingy, and after changing her diaper, he settled her again by pacing slowly in her room and rocking her nursed against his chest. She dropped off back to sleep and he tucked her back into her bed, hopefully for a little more sleep.
After a brief trip to the bathroom, he headed quietly to the master bedroom he shared with his incredible husband. Lewis had been working two different jobs this past month. Still at the Broadway show, and also some heavy-duty makeup artistry on a movie being filmed in New Jersey. He was tired. While all this devasting twist of events was going down earlier with Clint, Lewis had been crashed in bed. As much as Lorenzo desperately needed him, he let Lewis sleep because he needed it.
Lorenzo kicked his slippers off and nudged them under the bed with his toe, watching his husband sleep in the tiny stream of light coming through the crack between the curtains from street lights outside. He was drained and weary. Lewis looked so cosy and warm. He climbed in beside him, and cuddled up in against his side. Lewis, also being a daddy, stirred as soon as they were a slight disturbance.
"Hm? You okay, babe?" Lewis mumbled. He was barely awake, his voice husky from sleep as he looked over his shoulder at Lorenzo. "What's the time?"
When Lewis went to reach for his phone to check the clock, Lorenzo took his hand to stop him. "Don't. Doesn't matter, darlin'. Just hold me?" he murmured, his Southern drawl as thick as ever.
Lewis rolled over and wrapped his arms around Lorenzo, giving him a brief kiss. "What is it? Is something wrong?"
Lorenzo sighed and rested his head against Lewis' shoulder in the embrace. "Yeah, but it's okay. No one's sick or hurt. We can talk about it in the morning. I just want to go to sleep." As soon as he said that, he felt his husband's arms tighten just that little more protectively around him. The bed felt like a safety blanket. He wanted to turn his mind off and stop the deluge of thoughts, but he couldn't.
Instead, he felt himself wanting to shut down for awhile. That wasn't uncommon for him in emotionally fraught situations. Sometimes, all he could do was shut down and sleep. He had tried to do that in the wake of Holly's mother's suicide, but he had been left with a newborn baby, who had no one left but him. Instead, he had forced himself to stay awake for her. She was all he had the energy to focus on.
Although there was no death connected to finding out his cousin was actually his fraternal twin brother, it still felt like grief was crushing in on him. His whole life had been a lie. Lewis understood. He didn't push. He just held him tighter, and Lorenzo knew he wouldn't let go.